Hooking Up with Your Ex: Do or Don't?

When it comes to anything involving an ex, it’s safe to say things can get pretty complicated. Especially when sex is on the table. Sleeping with an ex is a classic guilty pleasure. So often you want to do it, but you don’t always feel good about it afterwards. Let’s face it, being intimate with someone you’re not seeing seriously can equal instant drama.

We wanted to know what you thought the rules of ex-sex should be so we posed the question to ESSENCE.com Facebook fans. We asked you to tell us what the dos and don’ts of sleeping with an ex are and an overwhelming 96 percent of those who answered say it’s just a “don’t”. Those few in support offered some rules to follow to keep the drama at bay.

Here’s a look at what you told us:

Those opposed said…

“The right one will come along and I’m patiently waiting but in the mean time I’m doin me!” – Leslie Jones Edwards

“A ex is just that, an ex. My mother always told me when you are done with your ex leave him or her because they don’t miss a good thing until it is gone.” – Jeanetta Hughes

“The biggest don’t is DON”T DO IT! There’s a reason it didn’t work and break up sex only makes it more difficult to make the necessary emotional break.” – TIFFTalks

“They’re an ex for a reason. In my opinion, there’s too many past emotions involved that can add layers of drama. Making that u-turn may cost you more than what you bargained for. It’s just unnecessary drama.” – Raquel Garcia

“I think if you keep going backwards you can not move forward. Remember it for what it was worth and move on!” – Anissa Whitby-Daniels

“It doesn’t allow you to totally move on and start the healing process. Just say NO!” – Shermone Mitchell

Those for it said…

“Don’t do more than you’re comfortable with and keep expectations to a minimum.” – Ayanna Robinson

“There is nothing wrong with sexing the ex as long as you know it is just sex.” – Paula Jones

“Sex with an ex is ok if 1. Both of you must not be in a relationship. 2. He must be mentally mature and not up to his old tricks literally. 3. The feelings must be mutual. 4. You must protect yourself and ask him to show you his test results.” – Kimbervic Fuqua

“DO NOT LAY AND CUDDLE! BIG NO NO.” – Marie Stewart Lymon

“The biggest do! Have fun and enjoy the moments of pleasure.” – Markia Wilkinson

“If the sex is good but the ex isn’t, its hard to break away!” – Bertina Groves-Williamson

“There is nothing wrong with it as long as both parties can keep it at ‘it’s just sex’. The problem arises when one or both see it for more than what it really is.” – Damien Stamps

Are you for or against ex-sex? Would you consider it a guilty pleasure? Can sex ever be “just sex” with someone you have feelings for?