“As a Black man, you have to be tough.” That is something I’ve been told for a long time. My dad grew up in the rural areas of Baltimore and had to take precaution of what’s around him. He instilled in me and my brother, Keith, to always be discerning and not show emotion.
I remember him even making us watch movies— like South Central,He Got Game, and Remember The Titans— about Black men teaching their sons how to be a man in this world. Additionally, he taught us to always have respect for everyone, including yourself, by dressing up and focusing on education.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized Black men often pass down pain and generational trauma to their kids— which can show up in the form of fixating on hypermasculinity. Thanks to therapy, I’ve realized that I was somewhat emulating this from my father.
But, I learned these notions weren’t working for my lifestyle because I was pretending to be something I’m not. I have a heart and have feelings… and I’m not afraid to show them. This became especially apparent when I realized I was gay and tried to present as traditionally masculine to other guys. I was presenting an image of someone else. That’s when I decided to create my own definition of masculinity.
One of the ways— amongst changing my wardrobe and writing in my gratitude journal— that helped me embark on my own path was via my self-care and grooming routine. It wasn’t until my late twenties that I’d developed a routine for myself. I think it’s partially because I’ve been a people pleaser for most of my life, and therefore would neglect myself.
Through it all, I’ve learned that if we put ourselves first, we can give proper love to others. And, to me, that’s the strongest and most “masculine” thing you can do.
Below are the products that I currently can’t live without in my routine.
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Papatui Sandalwood Suede Refreshing Body Wash
I remember speaking with Dwayne Johnson about his beauty line and telling him that I love the body wash that gently cleans my skin, leaving notes of sandalwood.Available at target.com
Leave it to my girl Issa Rae for creating this shampoo to revive the hair and scalp. This shampoo has baobab oil, coconut derivatives and aloe vera juice to hydrate, soothe, and nourish the strands.Available at sephora.com
Whether you’re looking to stock up on your skincare essentials or try out new beauty products, the Dermstore Anniversary Sale has everything you need to keep your skin glowing. Take up to 25% off sitewide.Available at Dermstore
Vaseline never disappoints and this body cream helps me show love to my melanin. I love to use this with the body oil to give me a shimmery look for day and night. Available at amazon.com
I love to lift my lashes to start the day right. I was impressed with how this mascara lifted my lashes without giving me a dramatic look, thanks to the keratin and lifting waxes.Available at amazon.com
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NatureLab. TOKYO Perfect Repair Treatment Masque
To prevent my hair from breaking, this treatment masque strengthens and smooths my curls until my next haircut, which I get a haircut every week or two.Available at amazon.com
One of the makeup artists applied this concealer to cover all of my dark spots and hyperpigmentation. I’ve been using this concealer nonstop if I do not want to look like I’m wearing makeup for the day. After a full day of glam, this concealer doesn’t smudge or wear off.Available at tartecosmetics.com
I received these cleansing melts in the mail and when I tell you it’s amazing that they don’t take up too much space, making them perfect for travel. You activate the pad into a micro-bubble lather within seconds. Available at amazon.com
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The Rootist BioBrew Fermented Strengthening Serum
I need the scalp and curls to be nice and healthy. This hair serum helps control frizz, boost shine and repair split ends. I like to spritz this on my curls when I’m on the go.Available at therootist.com
