Sex is a very important part of a relationship. But how can you tell if you and your partner are compatible, especially if things are still new between the two of you?
According to sexpert Nikquan Lewis, honest and consistent communication is your best bet to discovering each other’s sexual desires and limitations. “The essence of sexual compatibility is communication. Sometimes, people meet, and the sexual chemistry is undeniable; it’s easy,” Lewis states.
She continues, “However, other times, creating that connection takes a bit more work, and that’s okay. No matter which one, talking openly about your needs, wants, and desires is essential and is how you build a healthy, exciting sex life that works perfectly for both partners.”
Remember, whether sex is hot and heavy from the beginning or it requires a bit more effort, clear communication is the foundation of a fulfilling sex life designed by both partners. For more conversation starters, check out resources such as relationship and sex conversation cards on the market. They’re an excellent resource for anyone looking to create healthy relationships and sex lives that are perfect for them.
Check out Lewis’s conversation starters below to ensure you and your partner are compatible.
01
01
What’s Your Definition of a Healthy and Exciting Sex Life?
Share what would be ideal as it relates to frequency, favorite ways to experience pleasure, what turns you on, and more. Create a shared definition of a healthy sex life that represents you both.
Young African American couple embracing in bed in the morning
02
02
How Do You Feel About Masturbation and Sex Toys?
Discussing solo play and toys can help you explore new levels of pleasure together and reduce the risks of broken trust when you understand each other’s desire to masturbate.
03
03
What New Things Would You Like to Try Sexually?
Keeping things fresh and adventurous is vital. Talk about what excites you both, and be open to exploring new experiences while respecting each other’s sexual boundaries.
A black woman lies in bed. White linens. Dream. Cheerful morning. Good dream. Soft bed. Orthopedic mattress.
04
04
Do You Experience Any Pain or Discomfort During Sex?
It’s essential to ensure both partners are comfortable and enjoying the experience. Discussing sexual health is important, and the vulnerability required for this conversation often brings couples closer together.
It’s all in the kiss
05
05
What Brings You the Most Pleasure?
Knowing each other’s pleasure points can lead to more satisfying experiences and pleasure-based sex, as opposed to performance-based sex, which should be the goal. This also helps to expand definitions of what sex means to you.
Good morning kisses keep the flame alive
06
06
How Do You Like Foreplay?
This important step sets the tone for everything that follows. Foreplay should be experienced throughout the day, not just before it’s time to get busy. It’s in how you greet each other in the morning, engage throughout the day, and keep engagement spicy in general. Share your desires, wants, and needs to make it enjoyable for both of you.
Young couple in pajamas, embracing in the morning in bed
07
07
What Are Your Fantasies?
Sharing fantasies can deepen your connection and make your intimate life more exciting. It is essential to understand that fantasies exist in the mind and don’t automatically indicate that someone wants to experience them. Talking about them can be spicy enough, but you and your partner get to decide if you want to make your fantasies a reality.
08
08
How Do You Define Intimacy?
There are various forms of intimacy. Asking about intimacy helps partners understand each other’s definitions, ensuring they are on the same page about what true closeness means in their relationship.
Happy young African American couple in bed in the morning
09
09
What Is Your Favorite Sexual Activity?
Discussing favorite sexual activities allows partners to share what brings them joy and pleasure, creating a deeper understanding and connection sexually.