Black sisterhood is indescribable. It rests at the intersection of joy, wellness, and support. Most times, our sisterhood is the sacred space where connection, community, and safety happen, but unfortunately, just like with all relationships, there can be some unharmonious discord. In her new book, Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, clinical psychologist, award-winning podcaster, and founder of the popular therapy platform, Therapy For Black Girls, explores the power of Black sisterhood and teaches us how to strengthen our most meaningful relationships.
Throughout her 20-year career, Dr. Bradford has been working to help Black women heal together and find community. With more than half a million members of her sisterhood community, she’s the go-to therapist for Black women looking to prioritize their mental health and become the best possible versions of themselves. Now she’s sharing all she’s learned using the tenets of psychology and group therapy to help us foster relationships that are not only positive but transformative and necessary with a new book.
“Writing this book felt both timely and necessary,” Dr. Bradford explains. “Now more than ever, Black women seem to be longing for safe spaces to be ourselves. There’s a kind of liberation we can access when feeling like there is a place we can go where we can show up authentically. But even then, there aren’t many resources that can help us navigate those safe spaces, our sister-friendships, in healthy ways. That’s what I hope to do here.”
In her book Sisterhood Heals, readers will discover how their past has influenced their present-day relationships with Black women. The book will also provide the tools to learn new strategies to grow and sustain healthy, nurturing friendships and how to repair after a rupture in friendship. Throughout the book, Dr. Bradford brings the familiar warmth, wisdom, empathy, and levity found in our girlfriend circles to these pages and reminds us that during difficult times sisterhood is often a lifeline with the power to help us experience fuller, more satisfying lives, and increased mental health.
We chatted with her to discuss how to foster healthy sisterhood, mental health, and wellness and practice non-toxic communication daily.
ESSENCE: Why did you decide to write this book?
Dr. Joy Harden Bradford: Sisterhood Heals was initially supposed to be a weekend-long event, but then we had a pandemic. So I talked to my literary agent, and we discussed the different topics I was hoping to discuss at the event, and then that conversation became the outline for what would become the book outline. A lot of the work that we do at Therapy For Black Girls is the work that I’ve done throughout my career. I feel like sisterhood in relationships with other black women is at the foundation of a lot of that.
How is the Black sisterhood unique?
Even in writing the book, I struggled to understand what our sisterhood means, as it often feels very spiritual. There are connections between us Black women because of our history and who we are. Sisterhood has been a survival technique for us to be able to forge strong relationships with one another, both in a personal way and also in a global way. As we pass each other in the streets, we understand that we see each other in a way others can’t.
Your answer perfectly leads to my next question. Why are black women’s relationships so meaningful, especially today?
Again, a lot of our survival has depended on being able to look out for one another. Even something as small as being able to go to your neighbor’s house to borrow a cup of sugar. Especially during the pandemic, with all of the mutual aid efforts that came about and looking out for one another, a lot of it has been spearheaded by Black women. We are the only ones who know what it is like to walk around in our bodies with our particular vantage point. Our sisterhood boils down to us being able to be intuitive about the needs of one another without us even having to ask.
As you know, we Black women can have interesting sisterhood relationships. Unfortunately, Black woman friendships can be defined or seen as nonexistent or catty in the media and beyond, so how does this book change that stigma?
In the book, I wanted to highlight how invested certain people are with us not having strong relationships because, in many ways, that works in other people’s favor, for us to compete against one another and not be a united force. I think there are a lot of societal systems, including patriarchy, white supremacy, and heteronormativity, that are invested in black women not having solid relationships with one another. The book is an attempt to dispute that myth because I don’t think that, at its core, it’s true.
Can you speak to me about the four S’s of sisterhood?
When I thought about sisterhood, it was essential to have some framework for what I feel sisterhood does, so the four S’s was born of that question. So sisterhood allows us to soften again, as we often walk in the world with armor because we often have to. Sisterhood allows us to be seen. We may be invisible in society, but with another, we see each other very clearly, in terms of support and being supported.
How can adults create strong, beneficial, and meaningful relationships?
Nowadays, people view relationships with their girlfriends through what others share on social media, so if your relationships don’t look like that, are they worthy? Do they mean as much? Of course, they do. So I would encourage people to stay offline in that way as much as possible, just because I think it introduces this whole aspect of comparison that isn’t always fair or accurate. However, I do think that you can start some very significant relationships online. I encourage people to visit Facebook groups or other communities online where people are interested in the kinds of things that you are interested in.
How can forming strong and reliable relationships help with your mental health?
I think it’s critical. There are many conversations about loneliness and how it’s very bad for our mental and physical health. Forming strong relationships reminds us that we don’t have to go through life alone or be ashamed of our struggles.
Can you share some of the elements that help shape connection?
I think a spirit of transparency is really important. It’s hard for people to connect to something that feels inauthentic. And so I think being who you are and letting people see that is important for connection. I also think a genuine spirit of curiosity is important instead of judgment.
How does black sisterhood heal?
Sisterhood is everything. Coming fresh off ESSENCE Fest, I wrote about that in the book… These trips and these experiences we have where we are surrounded by black women feel like a spiritual experience. When we can have truly authentic experiences or sisterhood, it allows us to relax and embrace who we are.