Today is National Self-Care Day. Self-care shouldn’t be seen as a reward but as a necessary practice to holistically honor yourself. Although self-care is a term that has gained a ton of buzz on social media, surprisingly, many people don’t understand the true meaning of taking care of themselves or often struggle to do so. While everyone needs to incorporate self-care, it’s essential for Black women as we juggle so much daily. Kiaundra Jackson, a licensed therapist, says to ESSENCE, “We are constantly fighting for equality, to be seen, heard, and believed, and that can be thoroughly exhausting. I would encourage black women to do one small thing per day that fills their cup and one “larger” thing per week or month, depending on their budget. Everyone will have a different frequency, and that is okay. Your self-care does not have to look like anyone else’s to be effective.”
Jackson also believes self-care is sacred and necessary, not selfish. She helps others care for their well-being as a therapist and practices what she preaches. “I have consistently taken every Friday off for the last six years. I call it ‘Self-Care Fridays,’ This is when I purposely do not work, do not check emails, texts, or even social media, and focus on myself. I spend time doing whatever my soul needs to recover from that week. It has become such a big thing that a few of my close friends have adopted the same practice for their own life,” she says.
Meghan Watson, a psychotherapist, says that self-care shouldn’t be complicated or expensive. Instead, the practice has to be accessible and suitable for you. An excellent example of this type of realistic self-care is setting a boundary, or making a difficult decision to prioritize your needs, as care tasks don’t need to be material to be powerful and impactful. “This can look like a journalling practice, talking through challenges aloud or with a therapist, or simply taking intentional time to be thoughtful and present with my thoughts. Having an honest dialogue with yourself can be healing. It requires creating a compassionate space for your truth, even if it’s tough to acknowledge, and can bring our authentic hopes and dreams into a conscious space instead of a conceptual one,” she says.
She continues, “Self-care can also be practical and task-oriented. It can look like cleaning out the fridge, asking for help from others, preparing lunch for work the next day, replacing worn or old clothing, checking your bank balance and creating a budget, or even something as simple as making your bed in the morning. These care tasks are not luxurious or indulgent but can make a huge difference in how you feel in your mind, body, and environment.”
Watson believes self-care and community care work together, and when you attend to your needs and purposefully care for yourself, there’s room to show up for your community in a more present way.
Remembering that self-care tasks are often seasonal and guided by your natural rhythms and habits is also essential. Lean into the flow of change regarding your sensitivity, energy, and interest. Watson says, “You might have different care needs during different times. It’s important to honor that instead of fighting against it. Lastly, you don’t have to know everything to trust you can care for yourself. Start where you are. It’s great to get inspiration from others, but check in with yourself first.”
Check out Jackson and Watson’s tips for practicing self-care below:
Developing a commitment to having conversations with yourself: This can look like a journalling practice, talking through challenges out loud or with a therapist, or simply taking intentional time to be thoughtful and present with your thoughts. “Having an honest dialogue with yourself can be healing. It requires creating a compassionate space for your truth, even if it’s tough to acknowledge, and can bring our authentic hopes and dreams into a conscious space instead of a conceptual one,” Watson says.
Self-care can also be practical and task-oriented: Watson believes that this can look like cleaning out the fridge, asking for help from others, preparing lunch for work the next day, replacing worn or old clothing, checking your bank balance, and creating a budget, or even something as simple as making your bed in the morning. These care tasks are not luxurious or indulgent but can make a huge difference in how you feel in your mind, body, and environment.
Pencil yourself in on your calendar: Jackson suggests scheduling time with you. “We do this for every other obligation in our lives, like appointments, work, sports activities for the kids, etc. Why not prioritize yourself and set some time apart for yourself too? Because let’s face it. If it is not on the calendar, it probably won’t happen,” she states.
Self-care goes beyond massages and manicures: While self-care can include massages, manicures & pedicures, that will only fulfill a short-term need. “We do not talk about spiritual, emotional, and mental self-care enough. Whatever your soul needs, do more of that. On my ‘Self-care Fridays,’ you can find me sitting alone at the beach (since I live in Los Angeles with great weather year-round), clearing my head, and talking with God,” says Jackson.
Get Good At Saying NO: If we just said “no” or “not right now” to things others ask of us, we would be less stressed,” says Jackson. She suggests making sure you are not a people-pleaser and letting others know you have boundaries that do not require you to stretch yourself so thin. They may even be mad at first but trust me; they will get over it.
Unconventional self-care options from Watson:
Crying: One example of self-care that isn’t quite typical might be letting yourself have a good cry. If you’re a sensitive person, who was always told to have a “thicker skin” or feel like you’ve never been able to be vulnerable in this way, crying can be a powerful and necessary release. Ultimately, allowing space to feel your feelings (however it shows up for you) can help us process them compassionately instead of critically.)
Creating a menu of self-care: For fellow list-making lovers, creating a list that helps you focus on the types of care tasks that truly make a difference in your health and wellness can be very helpful. Sometimes we need to look out for our future selves by offering gentle guideposts toward the things that matter. Write down a short list of 3-5 items that bring you joy, or restore your peace and revisit it when you feel low, drained, or stressed. Returning to and adding to the list can be a helpful (and sustainable!) self-care strategy.