Some of the benefits of dating in the digital age are the endless possibilities to learn about and meet people from around the world. However, the more access we gain, the higher the risk is of connecting with someone who is not what they appear to be online. With the help of AI and the intention to trick a person for personal gain, online deception is becoming more prevalent.
Being duped when looking for love can happen on social media platforms and dating apps. You could think that you are connecting with a potential match and then discover that the person is a “bot” or robot. But being tricked in matters of the heart is nothing new. The idea of fake profiles became more well-known after the film and subsequent MTV series Catfish premiered in 2010 and 2012. Since feeling scammed in dating continues to be an issue for singles, despite and because of technological advancements, it is important to know what signs to look out for and how to protect yourself from the phonies and attract the real deal.
Chanel Nicole Scott, relationship expert and host of the Relationships Matter podcast, has worked with many clients who have shared their challenges in finding love. Whether it is a stolen profile picture or suspicious direct messages, people are using AI to maintain a persona that will not be in their favor in the long run. Some are even using AI for things that feel small but can still be deceitful.
“There was one situation where I spoke with a young lady I was friends with. She was talking to someone online, but she was manufacturing her responses through ChatGPT. So the guy would send her a message and then she would drop what he would say in the app to improve her communication skills,” she recalls. “That’s cute, but the only thing with that is that when you meet him in person, you have to be able to keep that up.”
If you’re looking for genuine, ready-for-love people, Scott says put your money where your mouth is. “With the fake profiles, pictures, and bios, when people ask me about dating online, I typically suggest subscription-based platforms. I say this because people are investing their money and resources, so they’re more prone to be more honest, which can lead to a more genuine connection,” she shares. “Aside from Tinder or other apps where you are just looking for a hook-up, there are niche-based platforms where you have certain things in common with someone else and can connect and build from there.”
When evaluating profiles, little things can determine if you are matching with someone authentic or a possible bot. Scott suggests people be open when building rapport with someone and also be open to doing some mini detective work to protect themselves from getting too involved with someone who is not meant for them.
“In terms of signs to look at, if the bio is inconsistent and the messaging is a little off, then that person is probably not being honest. Similar to the word verbiage that they use when conversing with them. If that comes off a little strange and there is a pattern of a lack of responses, you may want to keep an eye out for that,” she notes. “When we talk about profile pictures, you can take the picture and pull up all the times where it has been used. It’s a Google feature where there’s a little camera called Google Lens, and it shows you the results of anything you capture on the screen. This is super helpful to determine if someone is using an actual picture of themselves or just an attractive photo they found online.”
There are also more extreme measures you can take to discover if a profile is fake or not. Some software tools that help detect deepfake profiles, letting AI do the hard work for you, include Sentinel, WeVerify, Sensity, and DeepWare. For example, Sentinel is great for analyzing visual manipulation and AI forgery, whereas DeepWare helps analyze video and audio communication. If something is looking off with a profile, there is a tool to point it out.
Outside of technology weeding out the “bad apples,” Scott recommends that daters be intentional about their own profile as well. The more detailed a profile is, the app’s algorithm will likely match you with a person who is intentional on the dating app, too.
“I believe people should be very authentic in their profiles. You want to use a great photo, but try not to use a filter-based photo. Put a photo up of what you look like currently,” she explains. “In your bios, talk about your passions, likes, or dislikes. You can really talk about your career and all of those other things after you connect with someone. We want to focus on the things that sustain a relationship.”
“Contrary to what people may think, money doesn’t sustain a relationship. You have to have compatibility,” Scott adds. “So when you craft something short and sweet and mention the things I just listed you’re more prone to meet a better match. You don’t want someone to connect with you based on something that you have or don’t have.”
To seal the deal in any dating scenario, you must take the conversation offline and schedule a meet-up. Meeting in person or having a FaceTime call with someone can put all the worries of being duped to rest. So, do not be shy about asking to hop on a call or setting up a date. If the person is hesitant about meeting or unreliable outside of messaging, that is a big red flag you cannot ignore. All in all, dating should be fun and a safe experience for everyone involved. With the proper protective measures, you can ensure that it goes that way for you.