Are you burnt out from dating? You aren’t alone. A lot of women have decided to go “boysober.” Boysober is essentially committing yourself to a yearlong decision to stray away from all things dating as an act of self-care, which also includes sex. Although some might consider the trend another term for celibacy, others believe going boysober to be a declaration of independence. Nikquan Lewis agrees, “In a world that often pressures us to define our worth by our relationship status or sexual activity, choosing to go “Boysober” can be a radical act of self-love and empowerment,” she says.
Lewis continues, “This decision is less about running away from relationships and more about running towards yourself. It’s a conscious commitment to put your needs, desires, and mental well-being at the forefront. You are the “only” priority. By choosing to abstain from dating and sex, you give yourself the space and opportunity to explore who you are outside of the expectations and influences of others.”
This approach can prove that time away from dating can be a transformative journey, during which you learn to cultivate a pleasure-centered life that isn’t dependent on external validation but, instead, on your own. “During the year of being “Boysober,” the focus shifts from finding the right partner to becoming the best version of yourself. It’s about deepening your self-awareness, healing past wounds, and creating a sense of wholeness that doesn’t require a relationship to feel complete. It reinforces that you are enough on your own. This is the essence of living intentionally — making choices that serve your long-term well-being and happiness rather than seeking quick fixes or temporary dopamine rushes,” Lewis shares.
She believes that going “Boysober” is not a rejection of intimacy but instead an embrace of the most essential kind of intimacy — the intimacy you experience with yourself. It consists of setting boundaries that protect your energy, focusing on personal growth, and redefining what fulfillment looks like in your life. When you emerge from this period, you’ll find that you’ve nurtured your relationship with yourself and set the stage for healthier, more intentional connections in the future.
So, how do we know if it’s an excellent time to go to “Boysober”? Check out the signs below:
- If you’re feeling overwhelmed
- Disconnected from your true self
- Burnout from dating
- Ignoring internal validation and only seeking external
- Focusing more on the needs of others rather than your own,
- Involved in unhealthy relationships or hookups that are just something to do, or simply craving a deeper sense of peace, this could be the transformative step you need.
Remember, going boysober is a bold move that requires courage, commitment, and consistency, but the impact on your mental, relational, and sexual wellness can be impactful. Understand that the goal is not just to survive this period but to thrive in it, creating a life centered around your pleasure, growth, and true self.