If you’ve ever participated in relationships, you’ve likely ghosted, not because you fear having a direct conversation but because you want to prioritize your peace, safety, and overall well-being. While I have no issues with having difficult conversations with tact and respect, sometimes, it’s not necessary, especially if you know it’ll get you nowhere or the person is generally unsafe, physically and emotionally. So, is there ever a right way to ghost someone, especially in this day and age, with social media? While ghosting is often viewed negatively, there may be circumstances where it seems like the only option. According to relationship and sex expert Nikquan Lewis, ghosting, or suddenly cutting off communication without an explanation, isn’t only about leaving someone on read—it often leads to deeper emotional scars. “While we typically think of ghosting in romantic contexts, it’s not limited to those relationships. It happens between friends, within families, and even in professional settings, affecting everyone from partners to peers to parents and their children,” she says to ESSENCE. “This abrupt silence leaves a lasting impact, fostering feelings of confusion, hurt, abandonment, and unresolved questions, impacting their emotional well-being and self-esteem and potentially triggering trauma. It’s a breakdown in connection that crosses all types of relationships, leaving behind a trail of what-ifs.”
As we know, ghosting is often a choice to avoid perceived conflict. While it might seem like a relief in the short term, it can be a damaging habit. As defined in therapy, avoidance behavior reinforces escaping conflict, setting a pattern that affects them and the people they interact with. Understand that it’s not the conflict that’s problematic— it’s about how we handle it. Ghosting skips the chance for resolution or growth, leaving both parties without closure or understanding; however, in some cases, that may be for the best. Lewis believes in our relationships, whether for a season or lifelong, the goal should always be to foster trust and openness. “We build stronger, healthier connections by avoiding ghosting and embracing direct, compassionate communication, even when it’s tough. As difficult as it may be, I advocate for us all to aim to resolve conflicts with courage, compassion, care, and respect, even if that includes saying goodbye. I often tell my clients that if the relationship holds any value at any point, it deserves a conversation,” she states.
However, there are instances where cutting off communication without any explanation might be necessary, mainly when your safety is at risk.
1. Safety First: If continuing to communicate with someone threatens one’s physical or emotional safety, ghosting can be a protective measure. In cases of abuse, harassment, or when interactions have become harmful, prioritizing safety is essential and a priority.
2. Toxic Relationships: In toxic dynamics where previous attempts to communicate boundaries or end the relationship have been ignored or met with aggression, falling back silently might sometimes be the only way to ensure emotional safety. Do it.
3. Overwhelming Circumstances: There are also fewer emergent situations where someone might ghost due to overwhelming personal issues or mental health struggles. While not ideal, these are moments when individuals may not have the emotional capacity to articulate their needs or manage interpersonal conflicts. If this resonates, I encourage getting support, contacting that person, and being transparent when in a better headspace.
It’s important to note that the goal should be striving for open and honest communication. Conversations about ending relationships, no matter how brief or casual, should show respect for the other person’s feelings and foster a culture of clear communication. If it’s safe and feasible, offering closure can prevent the emotional fallout that ghosting often leaves in its path.
Encouraging respectful communication, even in goodbyes, aligns with building healthier, more empathetic interpersonal connections. Knowing that every interaction with someone teaches us more about ourselves and sets the tone for our future relationships is essential. I encourage you to choose kindness, clarity, and respect wherever possible and give some good old consideration to your fellow human beings. It goes a long way.