Although summer is winding down, you may still have several major family-based events on your docket, such as family reunions, milestone birthdays, and cookouts. While these events are usually fun-filled, exciting, and memorable, they can also bring unwanted and unnecessary anxiety, mainly due to intrusive questioning, unsavory behaviors, or underlying resentment.
So, how do you curb kick any anxiety you might be feeling attending your family gathering and set boundaries to make you comfortable and at ease? I like to take some time before the gathering (1-2 weeks beforehand) to do an emotional evaluation of how I’m feeling about the upcoming event, so I’ll have time to sort out and identify any potential triggers and then come up with a gameplan to address it while putting safeguards in place. For instance, I knew I had my family reunion coming up, and I would be seeing family members for the first time in years while grieving the loss of my parents. I knew I needed to have some downtime before and after the event, so I stayed at the beautiful Claremont Club & Spa, A Fairmont Hotel, in Berkeley, instead of sleeping at my aunt’s house.
I wanted to be comfortable and have enough space and time to clear my head before the festivities. Besides, the Claremont Club & Spa is a family favorite, as many heartwarming and beloved memories occurred at their Limewood Restaurant. However, I never had the opportunity to stay at the hotel. My time there didn’t disappoint, as I had a suite all to myself, which touted breathtaking views of San Francisco, a fabulous dining area, a living room, and a gorgeous bathroom, complete with a soaking tub.
The Club also offered wellness activities, like a decadent massage and steam room session, which put me at ease before the two-hour drive to my family reunion. Additionally, after the reunion, I took myself to their club facilities to do a deep soak and steam away toxins and enjoyed several delicious daiquiri slushy cocktails by the pool. My stay was a relaxing escape from my family, rooted in wellness.
Even if you can’t book a hotel room to get away from your family, there are still ways to enforce healthy boundaries. Scroll down to read several tips below.
Set limits regarding specific conversations: Given that I’m grieving the loss of my parents, there are some conversations I’m naturally uncomfortable speaking about, like the details of their passing. It’s traumatic for me to rehash, and I’d rather not. Of course, that line of questioning came up while at the reunion, and although I shared how I was feeling about their deaths, I didn’t go into specifics because it was unnecessary, and doing so would only make me feel worse. I also clarified to my family members that I wouldn’t speak about the subject moving forward, while trying to enjoy the event.
Set a time for leaving the gathering: This is an important tip! While we love our family, sometimes they can be draining, or the energy surrounding the event may be too much. Ensure you know when you’d like to leave before heading there.
Carve out some time for yourself: Large family gatherings can be draining. There are plenty of people, loud music, memories rooted in nostalgia, and tons of different personalities; make sure you take several hours before and after the event for yourself so you can regulate your emotions.
Identify your triggers: I already knew what my triggers were going into my family reunion, which helped me sort out difficult emotions in real-time. Because I knew what my triggers would be, I felt comfortable crying or asking for emotional support at the event.
Try not to take behaviors personally: Family members can be loving, and they can be obnoxious and rude! None of that has anything to do with you, and it’s important to remember that you can’t control their personality or behaviors. Remove yourself from the nonsense, and try to have fun anyway.
Consider your needs now: If you need to step away to recharge and recenter yourself, feel free to do so. It’s crucial that you feel comfortable at all times.