Self-care is a buzzword some of us are still trying to master while others have become pros at it. Beyond a buzzword, caring for yourself is a way of life that’s essential for better mental and physical health, whether you’re forgoing other activities to get more sleep, making time for a good book and tea every weekend, or repeating uplifting mantras to yourself to get through the day. With more ways than one to practice it, self-care is something that you should make time for more often than not. And with Valentine’s Day around the corner and the mixed feelings the holiday can bring about, it’s especially important to love on yourself right now.
With that in mind, we asked Black women how they choose to love on themselves every day, Valentine’s Day included. We hope their responses inspire you to prioritize self-care, as you might find a few ideas you can use to show yourself some tender love and care.
Franchesca Martinez, Lake Worth Beach (FL) – “I love on myself by being kind to myself. I’m not hard on myself when I don’t feel my best or when the day is hard. I tell myself ‘today is just today and it’s not a picture of my forever. You got this’ You are smart, you’re beautiful, you’re worthy and you control the narrative.’ I believe the words we speak internally are a direct reflection of how we act, do business, love, handle others and feel. So why not speak lovingly to me?”
Elizabeth Osho – Washington D.C (MD) – “Self-care is an absolute priority for me and I ensure I’m present in the moment and I show myself compassion in my daily dealings.”
LaShawnda Moorland, McDonough (GA) – “I can say I ‘love on myself’ by spending alone time with myself. I’ll sit in my room (might lie in the bed or even on the floor) with no TV, phone, laptop, etc. I may catch up on a book or I might even journal (depending on the thoughts that pop up while I have some silence). I truly enjoy doing absolutely NOTHING by myself. It’s like it recharges me. I feel a certain level of peace.”
Olamide Abimbola, Miami, (FL) – “I love on myself by taking the time to include a self-care morning routine. I do that by using top quality skin care products to pamper my skin, wearing perfume, fixing my hair and taking extra time to speak positivity out loud by telling myself affirmations like ‘I am beautiful,’ ‘I am blessed.’”
Danny, Brooklyn (NY) – “It takes a lot for me to love on myself. But when I do, it consists of me cooking a new recipe, doing my skincare routine, getting my nails done, [getting] a wax. Sipping some white wine while reading a good book. Reading a few quotes or scriptures that make me feel good. I don’t do much but the time I do spend with myself means a lot.”
Charise Spencer, Fort Lauderdale (FL) – “I love on myself by simply doing things that make me happy. Having quiet time. Staying present with my emotions. Allowing myself to feel. Taking myself out, pampering myself, doing some affirmations, shopping, and dressing TF up…”
Rianka R. Dorsainvil, Upper Marlboro (MD) – “I am redefining caring and loving on myself as putting me first. As a new mom I am learning that loving on myself can mean putting myself first and not feeling guilty. That can look like alone time, going to get a massage or making time for my mental health with therapy appointments and not canceling them!”
Kamesha Brown Fort Lauderdale (FL) – “I love on myself by being free to do all the things that make me happy such as listening to feminine and spiritual podcasts while taking walks; journaling my thoughts; prayer and fasting; spa days; taking care of myself financially; eating healthy; spending time with my family and friends; going to church; helping other [people]; living life with a gratitude mindset; speaking affirmations and living in the moment.”
Catherine Labiran, Brooklyn (NY) – “I love on myself by extending compassion to myself across tenses — my inner child, my current self and the person that I’m growing into. Every form of me is alive in this present moment and it’s important that I honor that.”
Janelle, Atlanta (GA) – “I express self-love by speaking positive words of affirmation to myself. Along with being kind, gentle, genuine and authentic to ME. I’ve learned that I can’t pour into others if my cup is empty. And I can’t expect others to love me in ways that I haven’t loved myself. So, to change that narrative, I choose to self-love in unconventional ways such as displaying sticky notes with specific positive affirmations throughout my personal space within my home. I uplift myself by being intimate with myself by standing in front of the mirror, flaws and all, and loving on myself. Whether that be by taking extra time to moisturize my skin or to speak life into me when I may not be fond of what I see in the mirror. I’ve become my own best friend by treating myself to fine dining, solo spa dates, shopping sprees and being thoughtful of who I give my energy to.”
Katiana Carre, Fort Lauderdale (FL) – “I love myself by traveling sporadically and eating at fine dinning spots. I also love watching cheesy romantic comedies with a glass of wine and popcorn cuddled up on my couch alone.”
Shatoyia Taylor, Raleigh (NC) – “One way I love of on myself is taking the time to explore my creativity and creating things I love. My creative space is my happy place!”
Shanice, West Palm Beach, (FL) – “I love on myself by being selfish and intentional. I set out time to just to manifest and figure out what I want with no input of others. I often take myself on solo dates, solo travels, workout, yoga, meditate and/or even a long hot shower with no lights or sound just to gather my thoughts. I manifest and pray a lot! I’ve learned the greatest way for me to love on me is to protect my peace and mental health, no matter what!”
Blake Hundley, Knoxville (TN) – “As a Black woman, it’s not often that I take the opportunity to take a moment to love on myself. As a married woman and mom of four girls, I am constantly pouring myself into everyone else. But I may have cracked the code. Bath time is my time! I run a nice hot bath. I am sure to spark a candle from time to time to create the ambiance that’s needed to take me into the mood of relaxation. That’s usually my time to be one with my thoughts and God. I receive a lot of answers during this time and I love it! It’s my newfound sacred place.”
Courtnee Reid, Tampa (FL) – “I love on myself through traveling and experiencing new cultures. I take time off from work without feeling guilty and choose to enjoy life to the fullest. I read, I journal and I remind myself I am deserving of all things good. I thank God daily for my portion, which keeps me grounded but open to receiving continuous blessings.”