One typical morning, I was scrolling on Instagram while enjoying my breakfast when I came across a social media post that made me rethink privacy regarding relationships. Typically, I keep my love life private and off social media, given that too much of my life is public, meaning my work. However, now I’m reconsidering being a bit more open with my love life after seeing that a woman who posted her partner on her social channels recently found out he was cheating after a woman approached her with the truth after seeing their photos. Which bodes the question: Should you post your partner now, on social media, so there are no surprises later?
According to Dr. Joy Berkheimer, a relationship expert, there may be better ideas than posting your partner on social media. “If you are someone who shares some parts of your life (that’s most of us), the public takes on the role of filling in the blanks of the details of your whole story. That said, a partner being posted is a part of that assumptive storytelling. Be prepared, and prepare your partner for unsolicited feedback on your relationship status,” she says to ESSENCE.
Aside from unsolicited comments and potential harmful realizations, she advises us to be mindful of our exes when posting. As a relationship therapist, she’s seen my fair share of situations where an ex did not want to let go and the consequences of a specific ex being triggered when viewing their past partner’s new life. She believes if you value peace and know you potentially have an ex, not over your relationship, posting a picture of your new bae may just not be worth the possible intrusion of a heartbroken ex. But if you post your partner on social media, you want to check in with them. “You may discover that they prioritize their privacy for many reasons (including the two above). They might not want anyone at work to have access to their private life, or they don’t like themselves in pictures. Either way, you may be super excited to share your love with the world, but doing so without getting the ok first creates an environment where at least one of you may not feel safe to be respected or taken seriously from that point forward,” Berkheimer says.
According to Nikquan Lewis, another relationship expert and intimacy coach, the decision to post your partner on social isn’t something that shouldn’t be taken lightly. “The decision to post about your partner on social media is deeply personal and should be approached with mutual respect and understanding. While some couples enjoy expressing their love publicly, enhancing their connection, and celebrating their relationship, respecting each other’s beliefs and privacy preferences is essential,” she says.
Here are the steps to take, according to Lewis:
Communicate: Deciding to share your relationship on social media involves careful consideration and effective communication. It’s essential to communicate openly about each partner’s comfort levels while being transparent about thoughts and concerns before doing so. Assess your motivation for doing so. If it’s rooted in simply sharing your lives as you both enjoy your relationship, then great, but if you have an unhealthy relationship with social media in general and you’re trying to prove a point, you should think twice, as you could do more harm than good.
Set Boundaries: Both partners must discuss and agree on what aspects of their relationship are appropriate for sharing and with whom. Will you share on social media pages for the world, or will it be more private for friends and family only.?This conversation can strengthen trust and ensure both parties feel respected and comfortable with their online relationship portrayal.
Benefits of Sharing: For some, sharing their relationship on social media can reinforce the bond by publicly acknowledging the relationship. It can create shared memories and offer a platform for support and celebration from friends and family. The keyword here is reinforced. For couples with a healthy foundation, this shared experience often reinforces and enhances their bond. This may only be the case for couples seeking external validation or the approval of others with this healthy foundation.
Consider the Downsides: Public posts can sometimes lead to external pressures, including comparison and unwanted criticism. They can set unrealistic expectations or attract negative attention, which might strain the relationship, possibly cause trust issues, and even end the relationship altogether, depending on how much of a factor social media is in your relationship. If it’s to prove that your relationship has value, I encourage all to understand that it is an unhealthy way to measure it. It should be assessed by those in the relationship based on your experiences together and the relationship standards that were identified before the relationship.
A Balanced Approach: Ultimately, the choice to post about your relationship should balance expression and privacy. It should enhance rather than complicate your connection. Always prioritize mutual comfort, consent, and respect, ensuring that social media remains a tool that supports the health of your relationship rather than destroying it.
Couples can navigate the complexities of social media together by maintaining open communication and respecting each other’s boundaries.