As women become more open to discussing topics regarding their ever-changing bodies, one aspect that we may not be ready to go out of our way to share is one’s experience with bladder leaks. For some, it begins after childbirth. For others, it can kickstart around the period when women are in stages of menopause. No matter where you find yourself dealing with bladder leakage, it can feel embarrassing. It can also be limiting, leaving you concerned about what you wear, how you laugh, and where you even go because you might slip. Tabitha Brown has been there. But the actress, businesswoman, beloved internet personality, and wife and mother wants to talk about it.
“If I have a cold, if I’m coughing too much, I know I might tinkle a little bit,” the star tells me over the phone. She can tell when a leak might happen, but instead of being fearful, she stays ready so she doesn’t have to get ready.
“I know how to be prepared for it. And so I just kind of take it all in stride. I’m like, I’m all right. I’m okay. And I feel like that’s part of the reason I wanted to join this campaign with Always Discreet because I want other women to know that Tab is going through it, too,” she says. “Sometimes people see your success, and they forget that you are a whole human, a whole woman that’s going through regular things just like they are.”
A lover of the feminine hygiene brand, she teamed up with Always Discreet to help women feel less embarrassed about bladder leaks and let them know of their options. And as she revealed to ESSENCE, Brown, who has successfully encouraged people to buy spices, clothes, and home goods, watch her children’s programming, and even think about eating vegan, knows she’s the perfect person to help women release their anxieties and lives a freer life, leaks be damned.
ESSENCE: I know you mentioned that you first started experiencing bladder leaks after you had your son. Over the years, how has it impacted you? Did it get worse?
Tabitha Brown: After I had my son was when it first started, and then it kind of tapered off a little bit. But then, when I got sick in 2016, it was worse. During that time, my body was attacking itself. I was weaker, everything was happening. And then when I went vegan and started to eat differently, it got substantially better, so much better, in that season of my life. But I’m now going through perimenopause. And it has showed up in another way, like, oh girl, you thought you was done? No, we still out here [laughs]. The perimenopause wakes up things in our body, but the great thing is I know how not necessarily to control it, but how to live with it. I kind of know when to expect it.
If I get to laughing too hard and I don’t have an empty bladder baby, I’m probably got to run to the bathroom. I’m going to probably pee myself a little bit or I better make sure I have on an Always Discreet. But yeah, it has had its moments of being better, then worse, and then better again, and then like, oh, now you’re in perimenopause, girl, we’re going to still be out here.
And was there a time when you were self-conscious about it? And if so, what did it kind of keep you from being comfortable doing or wearing?
Absolutely. I used to be nervous about working out in public in gyms with other people. I’d be like, ‘Lord, I hope it don’t happen.’ I’m doing squats or whatever. Another thing is people know I love color. I would just find myself only buying black tights. You got on black, you can’t even see it if a leak happened. And so that’s just such a restraint on your life.
Even wearing something that I really wanted to wear, certain dresses or pants, solid colors like light pink. I’m like, I don’t know. Should I wear this? How long am I going to be sitting before I get to the bathroom? That kind of thing. Things like that would be in the back of my head. Travel on the airplane: “Am I going to be able to get up and use the bathroom? I hope I don’t have a window seat,” back in the day when I couldn’t afford first class, things like that. I need to be able to get out, but even to this day, I still choose an aisle seat even in first class where I’m like, I need to be on an aisle. I have to use the bathroom frequently. But it used to kind of hold me back in that way. But thank God for the deliverance of freedom and not caring about what people think anymore, but also knowing that I have the option to stay dry when I need it. So I got my whole life together, got my life back.
I love that. And how has Always Discreet products helped? The girls love the underwear. They love it for periods, they love it for bladder leaks. They also have the regular pads as well.
You know what’s so funny, my daughter who is 23, be wearing the full brief. She does it when she is on her period. To sleep? That’s her jam.
People don’t want to be bothered!
Exactly. She’s like, I don’t want to leak on the bed or whatever the case is. I wear the one that’s like the pad. I love it. You can still wear it with your clothes. You’re never going to see it. Nobody knows you got it on. You know how when you have on other pads and they be bulky in the back, you ask, can you see my pad? You don’t have to worry about that. It’s like, oh, okay. I’m all right. So that’s my preference. And it has a little light scent. There’s zero odor. You don’t smell anything. If you do happen to leak, it always feels dry. It’s not as thin as a pantyliner, but it’s not as thick as a pad. So it’s very comfortable. You really don’t feel it. And the way that it’s made, it’s not like one of the ones with all the wings and all that stuff. It has this nice little elastic lining, so it just fits literally right into the middle of your underwear. So yeah, that’s my preference.
And now that you’re back, like you said, traveling and everything, you aren’t held back by bladder leaks. What are some things that you love that you get to take part in with your family without any concern?
Baby, we love to cut up. We laugh and dance and do all the things together as a family. I mean, you would never think that just laughing, you would pee on yourself, but it happened. But I don’t even have to worry about it no more. So I enjoy family time. My daughter works me out. She’s my trainer. My bonus daughter has been working me out, and I have been in public gyms working out. We’ve also been in the house doing things that I didn’t think I would be able to do without having to be concerned. Wearing color to the gym! I had a cute little onesie, almost like a pickleball dress, but it has little shorts made into it. It’s light, like a green color, like a teal green. I had that on and I was not concerned at the gym. I was like, look at me out here living. I love it. Just enjoying life without thinking about, oh, how close is the bathroom? Thinking about all the things that I normally would have to think about because you’re concerned about messing up your clothes or having a bladder leak. That’s what I really want women to get to, that understanding. You don’t have to hold yourself back. You don’t have to say no to something you really want to do because you’re afraid of a bladder leak. You have an option so that you can get back to doing the things that bring you joy in your life.
I love that. And how do you manage it all? I know you do have a daughter who’s an adult, but you also still have your son who is a preteen, and you’re closing these deals, you’re creating all of these things. You’re in food, you’re creating children’s programming, and you’re doing it all. How?
A good old schedule. Praise the Lord. And a good old team [laughs]. I’m so grateful for my team and they make sure I have a great schedule. And I always tell people, if it ain’t on my calendar, it does not exist. But I always prioritize myself and my family, and then everything else is the bonus. I get to be successful. I get to have these businesses. I get to do these partnerships. But I’m blessed to have my family. And so that’s my foundation and I want to make sure that I am as healthy as I can be. So I make sure I start my day with me, and I end it with me.
And as you go through the perimenopause stage, how do you stay — not that it’s something to be like, oh man, about, but how do you feel in your body at this point? As you mentioned, you had a period of time where you were sick, you’ve gone vegan, and it’s just changed everything. And so as you go into this next chapter soon, you’re probably the healthiest you’ve ever been. How are you feeling within the body, the vessel that you’ve really kind of tailored to be in its best place at this point?
The thing is, the way that perimenopause is set up, you have some great days, and then you have days where you’re like, Lord Jesus, what is happening? I’ve done all the things. Why do I not feel well today? Why are my joints hurting? Why am I on my period for two, three weeks? Sometimes, that is how your body is transitioning. But the thing that gives me peace is knowing that I am alive to go through it, knowing that my body is transforming and it’s a natural thing that’s happening. And so I still feel well. I still feel good about it. I’m like, okay, Lord, you designed me to go through this, and I’m going to be all right, even with the occasional bladder leak here and there. And so when I posted about it and started seeing all the comments, I was like, Lord, it’s so many women that feel the same way. So I’m happy that we started this conversation so that women know that, you know what? Every day ain’t going to be your best day, but guess what? You’re going to be all right, and together, we’re going to be all right. And to then also know that Always [Discreet] started responding to some of the women when they started talking about what they would do if they didn’t feel held back. They’re surprising them with different things. So I just think it is a beautiful place to be in my 45-year-old body, who is perimenopausal, but a completely free woman who doesn’t care about what the world has said about me, what the stigmas say about a woman. I’m going to talk about it and I’m going to just help everybody feel okay. That’s my prayer and hope.
And lastly, you just mentioned it was important for you to talk about this with all of your fans and your followers and things like that. You may not find other big names deciding to be the face of an Always Discreet, and being able to go and talk to women about this condition. I’m not saying they’re not doing it because they’re embarrassed, but for a lot of everyday women, as you probably saw in your comments, they can be kind of embarrassed. So with you not caring about what people think, that’s one thing. But why was it also important for people to hear this from you?
I think people trust me, right? I’ve built my brand on honesty and authenticity and sharing my life, and I’ve been talking about perimenopause. So I’m like, I just thought, okay, this is a perfect opportunity to show another part of my humanity and who I am as a woman and help people realize like, oh, wait a minute. If Tab going through it and she ain’t scared to talk about it, we can talk about it too. It’s okay. And I also think that God has blessed me with the gift to help other people feel comfortable about whatever they’re going through.Truly, I feel like that is one of my gifts. I can talk about embarrassing things and hard topics and help other women feel seen and not feel embarrassed and feel okay. They’re going to be all right. So I just thought, why not me?
