Porn has been synonymous with indecency, temptation, and filth, but it’s time to break away from the negative stigma and explore its benefits in monogamous relationships. Instead of porn destroying a relationship and individuals’ confidence, is it possible that viewing the entertainment together could be empowering and enriching for both parties, ultimately helping us to foster emotional and sexual intimacy? Sex expert and educator Tyomi Morgan believes so. “Pornography is a form of entertainment that many consume solo and in private during times of self-pleasure, but porn can be used as a way for couples to connect and learn more about each other’s sexual fantasies and interests,” she says to ESSENCE.
According to a recent study, couples who frequently watch porn together report greater sexual and relationship satisfaction. For this reason alone, partners may need to consider watching porn to keep sexual creativity high and erotic fires burning. Morgan suggests that viewing porn deepens erotic imagination and allows both partners to bond through arousing content, as the more information the mind has to pull from, the easier it is for couples to be creative in the bedroom. “Couples who watch porn together learn more about each other’s fantasies and sexual triggers, which creates a deeper erotic understanding between partners. Knowing the inner workings of each other’s erotic minds lessens insecurity around sexual satisfaction,” she states.
Suppose you’re convinced about the positive benefits of porn and are now interested in beginning to watch it with your partner. If that case, it’s essential to keep your ego in check by viewing the content as a way to explore new forms of arousal for your relationship and not making the experience about comparing yourself to the content being shown. It’s important to remember that porn is a form of entertainment, not an accurate representation of how sex regularly happens. What one likes in fantasy doesn’t always translate to how one wants to experience sex in real life.
Regarding approaching the conversation about watching porn together, Morgan suggests that you and your partner discuss the porn categories you both like and brainstorm favorite performers or websites. You can even create playlists based on favorite performers and porn categories and choose a time for a “porn and chill” date. This can include favorite foods, sexy attire, and toys to play with each other during viewing. It’s natural to feel aroused when watching porn, so prepare your viewing space with everything that will facilitate a pleasurable experience, like sex toys.
Another point Morgan makes is to remember to consume pornography ethically if you do decide to view the entertainment with your partner. “Unfortunately, dozens of sites on the internet steal content from creators and upload them on tube sites which steal money from the creator’s pockets. Supporting creators’ official websites and platforms is important to ensure they are paid for their work. Most porn performers are on Twitter and share teasers of their content for viewers to see. These teasers can be just as stimulating as full-length content. Some amazing sites that feature ethical black pornography are BlkTouch.com and Royalfetishxxx.com,” she says.
Remember, watching porn together can deepen relationship bonds, give new ideas about how sex can be experienced together, informs erotic imagination, stimulates arousal, and provides a non-judgmental space to be free in debauchery.
However, licensed therapist and sexologist Shamyra Howard notes that while there are many benefits to viewing porn with your partner, like, increased arousal, improved sexual communication, and sexploration, couples shouldn’t be relying on the entertainment to teach them about sex or their partner. “Porn is for eroticism and exploration, not education. I recommend viewing amateur porn as it’s often the most ethical and representative of how everyday couples engage in sex,” she states.
Here are some tips, according to Morgan, for couples to begin watching porn together:
Start small: Ease into viewing porn together by expressing why you want to watch porn together and the purpose for it. Are you looking for new positions to try or new ways to improve your skillset? Have a conversation when you both are relaxed and can hold space for the conversation. The worst time to have the conversation is after a stressful work day or in the bedroom when sex is happening. These scenarios can pressure your partner to agree to watch porn together even if they feel uncomfortable with the idea.
Communicate: Talk about when and where you will watch porn together and the frequency of your viewing together. It’s also important to set boundaries, especially if fears or apprehension have been brought up in conversation. What categories are off-limits? How do you feel if one watches porn without the other? Will this be a private affair? What do you think about having sex or performing mutual masturbation while watching? Talking about expectations lays the foundation for healthy engagement. Open communication is necessary as you go through this process of opening up to watching porn together. Talk about how you feel after watching it together. Allow room for feedback and negotiation around how you engage with porn together.
Get organized: Make separate lists of categories of porn, favorite content creators, or types of sex you each like to watch and compare those lists. Choose two categories or content creators you want and two from the other’s list. Use these favorites to create a porn playlist for a “porn and chill” date. Use ethical sources from verified content creators to plan your adult movie night. This ensures that actors/actresses are paid for their work in adult entertainment.
Leverage social media: Create a “burner” Twitter account as a couple dedicated to your eroticism and your search for ethical Porn. Choose a time to sit together, search for your favorite adult content creators, and follow them. You can watch short teasers together on Twitter to preview who you want to subscribe to. Each content creator will have several platforms for you to use to access their content. You and your partner can even follow their verified Porn Hub pages if they are on the platform.
Develop a ritual: Create a practice where you dedicate a day of the week to taking turns introducing each other to a new type of porn or a new performer you’ve discovered. Set aside one hour for your erotic exploration. Use a portion of your time to watch and a portion of your time to play.
Although Howard feels comfortable prescribing porn to most partners, she notes that some couples are advised against viewing porn together who do not have a current healthy connection. This also includes partners who:
Couples experiencing a trust injury: If a situation includes betrayal from infidelity and you’re engaging in trust recovery, porn use is not recommended.
Couples with body image issues: Couples who have a relationship where one or both partners have body image issues are not recommended to view porn.
Remember that everyone doesn’t appreciate porn, and that’s okay. Always respect your partner’s preference.