Dating again after a long-term relationship can be challenging but rewarding if you know how to set your expectations at a certain level. Level-setting your dating expectations after a breakup allows for possible growth, understanding, and healing. This includes looking outward at your relationships while turning the lens on yourself, as you are the only person in control of your growth or the lack thereof. Relationship expert Nikquan Lewis explains how to reset and move forward. See her expert tips below.
Healing Time: Allow yourself the necessary time and space to heal from past hurts, which often include experiencing the grieving process. Rushing into something new without resolving old wounds can repeat unwanted patterns and cause you to continue facing the lesson you have yet to learn. During this phase, be kind to yourself, offer yourself grace, and practice self-forgiveness.
Self-Reflection: Analyze your past relationship, including your role in its successes and challenges. Identify lessons learned and consider necessary adjustments in your behavior/or expectations. This includes assessing your relationship with self-love by asking yourself a few questions: Have you taken the time to identify how you want to be loved? If so, are you loving yourself intentionally, and have you communicated this to others?
Clarify Your Values: Reassess your values, principles, and morals. Were you honoring them in your past relationships? Ensure that these align with your relationship standards for future relationships and that you walk firmly in them.
Establish Non-Negotiables: Determine your needs in a relationship—these are your standards, not preferences. When you begin dating again, make these clear to set the right expectations so all parties can make a well-informed decision about the relationship.
Communication and Patience: As you return to the dating world, communicate openly about your needs, wants, desires, and boundaries. Take things slowly, embrace the journey without pressure, and practice mindfulness that allows you to see the green flags—good characteristics—as well as the red ones.
Enjoy the Process: Instead of focusing solely on the end goal, enjoy meeting new people, making new connections, and learning about yourself. This approach can make dating feel empowering rather than exhausting.
By taking these steps, you prepare for healthier future relationships and ensure they align more closely with who you are and what you truly want.