Are you ready to commit, but unsure whether your partner is on the same page? Here are 17 noticeable signs—from qualified love and romance experts—you should be aware of before you start claiming bae as “the one” and tagging your photos as #relationshipgoals.
Justin Lavelle, Chief Communications Officer for Been Verified, the leading source of online background checks and contact information, provided the following things to be mindful of in your relationship:
1. Bae is happier when you’re not around.
Around you they are dull and depressed but around others they seem to be their old self.
2. Your partner purposefully picks fights with you.
When the most simple things turn into an argument, chances are one (or both) of you is looking for a way out. Arguing all the time, and over every little thing, is a sign that there is a problem. If the relationship is a constant battle, you are on notice that it might be coming to an end.
3. Bae’s social media habits change.
This seems counterintuitive, but if posts of the two of you seem to increase, it can be an indication that your partner is looking for validation or encouragement from friends and family to stay in the relationship. However, if posts and status updates change, and your partner appears to look as though he or she might be signaling to the world they’re available, you need to move on.
4. Your boo’s friends are switching up on you.
If their friends suddenly turn cold or distant, this may be a hint that they have been talking about you and a breakup is imminent.
Rori Sassoon, relationship expert and CEO of the elite matchmaking service, Platinum Poire gave the following advice:
5. Bae is suddenly ghosting you.
If he or she “ghosts” you, or pulls away when it’s convenient for him or her, this relationship will not last the long haul. Does bae break plans with you when the next best thing comes along? Does your partner avoid certain discussions? If the answer is “yes” to either, it could be a bad sign. You need someone who follows through with what they say they are going to do. This type of person almost never cancels, and if they do, they will immediately reschedule to make it up to you.
6. Your partner always sticks up for other people.
Another bad sign is when you’re venting about a confrontation and your S.O. takes up for the other person (not just in a devil’s advocate kind of way). This shows your partner is unwilling to see things from your perspective or be supportive of you.
Eboni Harris, relationship therapist, co-founder of Melanin and Mental Health and host of Room for Relations: Sex and Relationship Podcast, suggested these three things as signs your relationship could be headed to splitsville.
7. Your boo doesn’t include you in future plans.
If you’re in a relationship and you can’t get the person to plan past 48 hours, it’s a sign they’re not invested in the long haul. Last-minute dates and spontaneous activities are fun in the beginning, but as life progresses, missing your favorite artist because your boo doesn’t know what they will be doing in 30 days becomes a problem. What you should read from that is, “They don’t know if they will be doing things with me in 30 days.”
8. Everything is always about them.
Differences are expected in relationships. But if you find your background and experiences aren’t respected and your partner gets to call all the shots, it’s unlikely you will gain a voice in the relationship down the line. Along with that, if your dates and time spent together are always focused on their desires, they are less interested in you and more interested in always having someone available to tag along.
9. Bae doesn’t communicate properly.
Lack of communication will cause issues in all areas of a relationship. If your partner isn’t willing to share what is causing their mood changes, you’re not given the opportunity to correct any issues you may have caused. This also creates insecurities that you’re the root of all issues, even if their moodiness is due to stress from school, work or someone else in their life.
Katie Krimer, a psychotherapist at Union Square Practice in New York City, provided the following warning signs:
10. You’re constantly trying to change your partner or vice versa.
It’s important to help each other grow, but if you’re constantly trying to make each other into different people, then maybe it’s a sign that you’re not right for one another in the first place. However, there shouldn’t be parts of their personality you feel like you have to pretend don’t exist in order for you to continue dating them.
11. You spend more time doing things apart than together.
It’s healthy to take time to do other things and not put all your eggs in the relationship basket, but when you love someone, you want to spend quality time together doing things—even if it’s doing nothing together. If you prefer doing activities with everyone but your partner, that may be a sign that this relationship isn’t for you.
12. Your squad isn’t feeling bae.
Your girls know you best, and they will likely show you that they’re psyched if you’re dating someone they really feel suits you and is deserving of you. If they’re extra quiet, it may be time to pull them aside and ask why.
13. Netflix and chill nights start to feel like work.
You don’t get excited about hanging out and watching movies anymore, nor do you miss them when you’re spending time apart.
14. Your #MCM or #WCW is never your boo.
Sure, it’s normal to have a small crush or think someone else is attractive, but the nature of long term, healthy relationships is that the one typically at the top of your mind and the tip of your tongue is your partner.
Melissa Robinson-Brown, a licensed clinical psychologist in New York and New Jersey, suggested that the following indicators are red flags your relationship may only be Insta famous.
15. There are no boundaries.
Does your bae have access to all of your social media accounts, including Snapchat, Instagram and Twitter? Do you let your partner have access to your phone at any time? Do they insist you cancel plans with your besties when they want to hang out? If you answered yes, your relationship is lacking some serious boundaries. Without boundaries, it’ll be hard to take breaks, ask for space when you need it or to simply say “no” to things you don’t want to do.
16. You don’t trust your boo.
Feeling like your anxiety is on the rise if you don’t hear from bae all day? Questioning whether or not they’re kicking it with someone else? Not loving the way they put their arm around your mutual friend? This lack of trust will quickly break down a relationship, lead to conflict and ultimately weigh on your self-esteem.
17. You can’t be your true self.
While physical attraction typically draws you to someone, sharing mutual interests, having support and feeling comfortable showing up as the real you keeps the relationship flowing.