You’ve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values. Now it’s your turn to sit in her chair…
Ask Dr. Sherry,
My daughter and her three very young children are living in my house. She can be very disrespectful, she is nasty, does not follow house rules, she has no job and her parenting skill are seriously in trouble. The fast and simple solution is to kick her out, but my grandchildren would suffer the most. This story is so much deeper with so many more details, and I’m sure you don’t have the time to sift through my very dysfunctional life. But for what I have shared, what do I do? What can I do? I’m in quite a quagmire here and I feel I can’t get out. Help!
Signed,
Lost and confused
Dear Sis,
I agree there must be much more to your story than you have shared. For whatever reason, you are taking care of and dealing with four children – three young children and one defiant and unruly adolescent. I can understand you wanting to prevent your grandchildren from suffering but I don’t understand your need to tolerate your daughter, given her behavior. If you want to care for your grandchildren without dealing with your daughter, then you must prepare to kick her out of your house. You must document your daughter’s inappropriate parenting and other behaviors and report her to the appropriate authorities. This would mean that you must go through the process of requesting legal guardianship of your grandchildren.
Having the courts involved will give your daughter a chance to become stable and get her life together before measures are taken to terminate her parental rights. It you chose to do nothing, your daughter does not have a reason to change. Furthermore, you are only enabling her behaviors. Keep in mind that you have three sets of little eyes watching both you and their mother. That is why it is important to eliminate the drama and do what is in the best interest of your grandchildren.
Let go of any guilt you may feel towards making the necessary changes to take control of your home and protect your grandchildren. I recommend that you seek therapy to process issues and learn to let go of some things. Sometimes are not easy to do but they are necessary. – Dr. Sherry
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