You’ve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values. Now it’s your turn to sit in her chair…
Dr. Sherry,
My fiancé cheated, we broke up but then got back together. Shortly afterward we learned that he got the other woman pregnant. Because we stayed together, she caused him a lot of stress and drama by doing things like not letting him see his kids. My man (we’re not engaged anymore) begged to see his kids, and they met up and talked. It seems they are in a good place now, but I checked my man’s texts and she still flirts with him and tries to get him back. I told her if it’s not about the kids, don’t text him. She refused to listen. He does nothing about the situation and when I try to talk about it, we never resolve the issue; he just says I’m right but does nothing about it because she continues to do it. We need to rebuild our trust, but I can’t trust the situation because he cheated on me with her. He says he wants me, but I’m afraid if she keeps trying to get back with him she will succeed one day. Any advice for me?
Signed,
Anonymous
Dear Sis,
News Flash: This man is not and has never been “your” man. You are being played with a capital “P!” This is a man that has never stopped cheating on you. Yet you are mad at the other women and not him? Really!? When you two were engaged, he cheated and had a child by another woman. Your statement that she would not allow him to see his “kids” indicate that he has more than one child. Rather than holding him responsible, you have focused on the other women.
Now after “checking” his texts, why did you confront the other women? You brought up the issue of trust and wanting to build trust. In order to build trust, the person must be trustworthy. There is no indication that he is committed to having a relationship with you on any level. You may love and care for this man and attack the other women all day long, but at the end of the day, you do not have a relationship and nothing has changed. The more you fight for another woman’s man, the more desperate you look. The problem is not the other woman, the problem is “your” man and how you are responding to everything.
It is time to take a hard honest look at yourself and why you really want to be in a relationship with a man that wants to be with someone else. I recommend you seek individual therapy and process your feelings. If you want something different, you must do something different. You deserve more than you are getting but if you accept less you will get less! — Dr. Sherry
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