You’ve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel Alone in Their Marriages keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show, Braxton Family Values. Now it’s your turn to sit in her chair…
Dr. Sherry,
I need your advice.
I’ve been married for 23 years to my college sweetheart. Three years into the marriage, he cheated on me with his boss. We separated for a year and after talking, we got back together for our then 3-year-old. He cheated again eight years later on a boys trip but again we reconciled for the sake of our now two kids.
I recently came across evidence he’s cheated again. Our oldest child is now about to graduate college and youngest is about to graduate high school. My husband claims he’s a sex addict and he has been remorseful for his infidelities but he hasn’t sought treatment. I also believe he’s narcissist because tries to blame me for his issues and he says that the only reason he cheated on me is because I don’t have “enough” sex with him.
I am ready now to file for divorce but it would put a financial strain on us trying to continue to pay for the kids’ college. I am totally checked out of the marriage and he wants to try to salvage our relationship again for the sake of our children because he never had a father figure growing up.
I’ve told the kids about his infidelities because I wanted them to understand the reasoning if their father and I decide to go through with the divorce.
Can someone recover from sex addiction and did I do the right thing?
Hey sis,
When you ask, “Can someone recover from sex addiction?”, you are really asking if your husband can recover. Before recovery can take place with anything, there must be a clear diagnosis. Your husband has never sought treatment or been diagnosed. He self-diagnosed himself as a sex addict after he was caught cheating again after years of cheating. Your husband has cheated on you for the last 20 years of your 23 year marriage and you question if he will change. Anything is possible but may be highly unlikely. Your husband has absolutely no reason to change his behaviors. Why should he? You are still married to him and he can even blame you for his choices. He is giving you reasons for avoiding a divorce that has absolutely nothing to do with you or loving you. So the real question is really about your ability or desire to recover from a unhealthy marriage. I recommend that you seek individual therapy to process why you have remained in the marriage. This is not about your husband it is all about you. You must take a hard look at what you want for the next 23 years in your marriage or another relationship.
–Dr. Sherry
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