This story is featured in the January/February 2024 issue of ESSENCE.
We’re obsessed with Black love—we never get sick of seeing the date nights, engagements, weddings and baby showers on our social media feeds. But those swoon-worthy images and 30-second videos are merely highlight reels. There’s so much time, patience, communication, compromise, conflict resolution and love-makin’ that goes into creating a long-lasting relationship. Here, we profiled five married celebrity couples to uncover the stories behind their captivating connections.
Kevin & Melissa Fredericks
Kevin Fredericks, popularly known as @KevOnStage, and wife Melissa, @MrsKevOnStage, disagree about why it took them so long to make a love connection. “He was trying to play the field,” she says, chuckling at their high school memories. “So we were just friends for a long time. He had me go into all the classrooms talking to girls.” Before she can finish the story, Kev interrupts. “I was never a player! I was a humble servant of the Lord at all times,” he jokes. “I fell in love with Melissa at first sight, but she didn’t want to date me. So I was forced to entertain other women.”
While their versions of events differ, the two eventually found their way to each other. They have now been married for 20 years and are the parents of two sons. The authors of The New York Times best-selling book Marriage Be Hard: 12 Conversations to Keep You Laughing, Loving & Learning with Your Partner say that when it comes to working through conflict, not all marital challenges are created equal. Issues can range from figuring out who’s going to take the lead on important decisions to how not to connect household tasks to traditional gender roles. “If I’m not intimidated by Kevin’s strength and he’s not intimidated by mine, that means we’re both able to operate in our strengths,” says Melissa, 41. That’s been the key to their partnership in love and business. “Melissa reads people well and tends to negotiate, while I tend to go fast and bullhead my way into stuff,” says Kevin, 40. “Melissa plans, prepares and strategizes. Having her on my side has been invaluable.”
Tabitha & Chance Brown
Any couple who has spent two decades, or 7,300 days, waking up with each other will tell you that communication is one of the keys to staying happily married. Last year, your favorite Internet auntie and uncle, Tabitha and Chance Brown, celebrated 20 years of marriage and 25 years of being together. The plan was to mark the milestone with a splashy vow renewal. But that was nixed in favor of a glamorous wedding shoot and a jaunt to Dubai.
The Browns, who originally tied the knot in Bryan Park in Greensboro, North Carolina, were okay with simplifying the celebration when it seemed like they were doing it to please everybody else. “We had a pretty amazing wedding, even when we were broke,” states Chance, 44, in his calm Southern cadence. “We’ve been a team for so long, and I don’t want anything getting in the way of that. We’ve done and had so much more pleasure with less.”
The couple, known for their vulnerability and transparency, admit that because they married young, they didn’t know themselves—and struggled with communication. “It took me a long time to get there,” says Tab, the 45-year-old actress and content creator who introduced the world to delicious vegan recipes—and in the process became a household name, thanks to her effervescent personality. “Sometimes it means you’re listening, even if you have something to say and you know you’re right. But it ain’t about being right. It’s about being quiet in the moment.”
Chance’s desire to communicate has changed too. “Forty-four-year-old Chance is like, ‘We’re gonna talk. I’m not harboring this all day, ’cause it will mess up my whole day,’” he says. “My Starbucks don’t taste the same. I’m out hanging with my boys and it’s taking up mental space.” The pair’s wisdom, humor, down-home charm and couple-next-door vibe are the reasons folks binge-watch episodes of “Fridays with Tab & Chance” on YouTube, in which the loving parents of three deal with everything from how trauma can affect your sex life and arguing in public to disciplining children and appropriate bedroom attire. On that last topic, Tab happily reports that she loves a cute two-piece set. And Chance no longer comes to bed looking like he’s ready to go hard in the paint: He has traded in basketball shorts for silk pajamas.
Chance and Tab say that encouraging each other’s growth has been important to their marital success. They’ve both evolved significantly from their humble beginnings—and their relationship has been inspiring to many. “Black love does exist,” Tab says, sitting next to her husband. “It can be healthy. Compassionate. Flawed. We are free to have it, embrace it, show it—and to never apologize for it. That’s the definition we should all lean into.”
Tristan & Christina Wilds
At 15 years young, Tristan “Mack” Wilds and his future wife, Christina, met while filming the TV cult classic The Wire. Tristan played Michael Lee, and Christina was an extra. At first, she wasn’t checking for the “mysterious” New York native. “I tried to hook Tristan up with one of my friends, but she didn’t like him,” she says, laughing. When the Washington, D.C., fly girl shared his good qualities, the friend suggested Christina was a better match for him. “I was like, ‘You know what? I think you’re right,’” recalls the now 34-year-old mom of two.
Meanwhile Tristan, also 34, patiently waited to make a memorable move on set. One day, the principal actors received their coats for a lunch break while the extras huddled together to keep warm. Tristan ran over to offer Christina his jacket with a smooth one-liner: “Here you go.”
That chivalrous act created an unbreakable bond between the couple, even though something always seemed to be pulling them apart: work, relationships with other people, living in opposite locations on the map. When they finally found themselves single in the Big Apple at the same time, their on-again, off-again relationship slid into the permanent “on” position.
After they were living together and had conceived their firstborn daughter, Tristyn, Mack was ready to make things official. “I got the okay from her parents,” the Swagger star recalls. “I started talking to my jeweler. I know she likes Jackie Onassis and Audrey Hepburn, so I pulled up pictures of their engagement rings, so my jeweler could put his spin on it. I was working on doing it the right way, with a ring and the whole nine.” But Christina didn’t need the hoopla. She just wanted him.
So in December 2020, during the pandemic, the couple went to the courthouse with their baby girl in tow and got married. It was just them, the officiant and their parents on Zoom. While other brides said yes to the dress from famous designers, Christina opted for boho chic. “I bought a dress from Amazon, and it was beautiful,” she recalls, giving their youngest daughter, Naima, an affectionate squeeze. “Maybe for the 5- or 10-year anniversary, we’ll do a vow renewal with our family.” Mack’s face lights up as he agrees: “Now that’s when we’re gonna do it big!”
Da Brat & Jesseca Harris-Dupart
Shawntae “Da Brat” Harris-Dupart moved gradually from dating men and keeping her queer status on the low to wanting everybody and their grandmama to know Jesseca “Judy” Harris-Dupart was her bae. Jesseca, on the other hand, had become a successful entrepreneur while being her authentic self. Nevertheless, she was more than willing to go at Brat’s pace. “I live out loud,” says the 42-year-old businesswoman, leaning a head full of curls on the rapper’s shoulder. “But I respected her privacy, and I respected her space.”
When Brat, 49, met the Kaleidoscope Hair Products mogul at a promotional event, she thought their “link up” was going to be strictly business: agreeing to work on a promo together for the beauty brand.
“Jesseca came by herself to the studio and got out of the car with a cute outfit and dangly ponytail, and I’m like, ‘Where’s the videographer? Where’s your crew?’’’ the “Funkdafied” emcee says, smiling at her wife of two years. Their easy conversation led to a chat about their interests. Then it was time for Jesseca to state her case: “I said, ‘I’m interested in you.’”
This bold confession made the normally confident Chi-town native nervous, complete with butterflies in her stomach. “I tried to be cool and drink some Hennessy, but I missed my mouth and it spilled all over my shirt,” Brat recalls. “I was so embarrassed.”
Despite their obvious chemistry, their relationship didn’t start immediately. But when it did, the two fell fast and deep in love. Both joked about making it Instagram official. Jesseca posted a picture of them boo’d up, with a caption that simply read: “Yep.” Their relationship was out there. And Brat, who explains she’d been “trapped in the closet for 40-something years,” had a panic attack as her phone vibrated with calls and texts. She refused to look at the comments on social media until Jesseca told her people were showing them love. Finally, a weight had been lifted and the rap star could freely live her truth.
Now fans get to see the couple married; parenting their son, True Legend; and being fertility-awareness advocates. They’ve even let cameras in on their ups and downs, via multiple seasons of the popular docuseries Brat Loves Judy on WeTV. Being kissy-face on camera with “Beauterful,” their pet name for each other, is easy; but for Jesseca, it’s just as important for people to see them get through the hard stuff. “We know the camera is gonna catch the argument, but it will also catch us resolving it,” she says. “It might not be the same day. But it lets people know that things don’t have to stay on a negative note.”
Holly Robinson Peete & Rodney Peete
Some couples seek therapy only during a crisis, but not the Peetes. That’s because Holly Robinson Peete always planned to be proactive, not reactive, in her relationship with sportsman Rodney. During their honeymoon phase, the Queens Court hosts enlisted the support of a professional before jumping the broom in June 1995. Therapy has become their secret to not just surviving but thriving in the face of challenges—including when they came together for their son RJ when he was diagnosed with autism.
“I was taught that therapy was simply a third party who can give you an objective point of view,” the 59-year-old actress says of stigmas surrounding the practice. “It’s not a head shrink. It’s not a lobotomy. It’s a person who teaches you how to talk to others and gives you tools to work through things.”
Rodney, a retired NFL quarterback, wasn’t initially comfortable with talking about his feelings—but he stayed open to the idea. After working with their therapist as their confidant for three decades, he can’t say enough good things about the process. “Everybody thinks of therapy as ‘What’s wrong with you?’ instead of ‘Let’s enhance what’s right with you,’” says the 57-year-old sports commentator and father of four. “It enhances your relationship to talk to someone about your goals. We did that, and it worked.”
As they approach 29 years of marriage this year, Holly says, “Black love is smoky, sexy, spiritual and sensual.” And she and Rodney agree that Black music—from jazz to R&B—has played a pivotal role in the different seasons of their love. That’s why for their 25th anniversary in 2020, while the world figured out how to shelter in place, Holly found a way to surprise Rodney and celebrate their bond with a socially distant serenade, courtesy of crooner Jeffrey Osborne. She invited five couples to a friend’s driveway to watch the former L.T.D. singer perform “Love Ballad.” Osborne pulled up, opened the sunroof, cranked up the sound-projecting speakers and gave them a show to remember.
That moment is one of many in their enduring love story that holds a special place in Rodney’s heart. “That was pretty amazing. It wasn’t elaborate or ‘Let’s go to Monte Carlo,’” he says.
“It was much more special, because of the thought Holly put into it.”