It’s something every woman has experienced. You text someone you really like or someone you’re dating, and then all of a sudden everything is upended when you hit send. You find that your message is somehow being ignored. And you know it’s on purpose because bae wasn’t smart enough to disable the read receipts. Congratulations! You’ve just joined the familiar company of people who have been left “on read.”
If you’ve heard the popular phrase but wasn’t quite sure what it really meant, Urban Dictionary defines it as follows: “When you text someone, they see it, but they don’t text back.” Though it can be used interchangeably with the relatively new dating term “ghosting,” there could be legitimate reasons you’ve been temporarily left on read, as opposed to someone just disappearing or never responding to your messages again.
Regardless of which definition applies to your romantic situation, both experiences, without question, suck. Those few minutes or hours trying to determine whether bae lost interest or got distracted doing something else is enough to make even the most confident woman feel a little insecure or anxious. So while you wait in agony, here are a few ways to cope until you get a reply—that’s if you get a response at all.
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1. Don’t Assume The Worst
Though social media can make it seem like everyone is available at all times, they’re not. There’s no need to take your message being “seen” and not responded to as a personal insult or to automatically assume it means something negative. If the person you’ve been texting is normally responsive, maybe they got busy, distracted or simply forgot. It happens.
No one should feel pressured to respond quickly to each and every text message they receive, especially if the relationship is in the beginning stages. Instead of beating yourself up or getting upset because you didn’t receive an immediate response, think positively. However, if your message is left on read for more than eight hours, then it might be time to start panicking.
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2. Please Don’t Keep Texting
In the midst of being in panic mode, though, don’t keep texting. And please, for everyone’s sake, don’t call. It’s only going to make you come across as overly obsessive, desperate or clingy. Because if bae wasn’t really ignoring you beforehand, they certainly will after receiving back-to-back messages.
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3. Re-examine The Message
Try reading over the text. Did it really warrant a response or was it a conversation closer? If so, after a few hours, you can always start up a new conversation on a different topic to test the waters. But only after a few hours have passed.
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4. Do Something Else
Find something productive to do that will keep your mind off the unanswered message. Healthy distractions like reading, shopping, hanging out with your BFFs or soaking up some sun outside are great ways to pass the time. Although, we wouldn’t suggest viewing bae’s latest Insta story or mindlessly scrolling through their feed. That’ll only make you feel more miserable.
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5. Pursue Someone Who Is Actually Interested
No one goes without checking their phone for hours on end. If more than a day has gone by without a reply, all signs point to you not being a priority for this person. Depending on how far along you are in the relationship, you should address your partner’s communication skills (or lack thereof) head on. However, if it’s still fairly new or just a crush, it may be time to move on to the next or just do you.
If you’ve ever been to ESSENCE Hollywood House, you know it’s more than just a series of panels—it’s a gathering of visionaries. A space where Black creatives and leaders come together to share stories, strategies, and solutions. This year’s conversation, Let’s Talk About LA: Preserving Our City, presented by AT&T, was no different.
The discussion brought together three voices, each deeply invested in shaping LA’s future: D. Smoke, the Grammy-nominated rapper and educator; Olympia Auset, founder of SÜPRMRKT, a grocery service tackling food apartheid in LA; and DJ HED, a radio personality and advocate for independent artists. Though their paths differed, their mission was the same—creating opportunities, protecting culture, and ensuring Black spaces in LA don’t just survive but thrive.
For Olympia Ausset, the work she’s doing with SÜPRMRKT goes far beyond providing fresh groceries—it’s about laying the foundation for a stronger, healthier community. “The LA we love, the cultural beacon it’s known as today, was built by people who worked hard to create their own spaces,” she shared. “The reason I do what I do is because it’s essential. We can’t achieve any of the changes I want for my community without being in good health and having access to affordable, organic food. Without places where we can gather, heal, and support each other, none of the other goals will be possible. It starts with taking care of ourselves and building those spaces together.”
From Olympia’s focus on wellness and accessibility to DJ HED’s belief in the power of self-worth, the discussion explored what it means to dream beyond individual success and invest in collective progress. “I see a lot of people who aren’t proud of where they come from, what they look like, or where they’re at in life,” he said. “I had to learn to give myself grace, to grow. I grew up in Inglewood, raised by a single mom. We lived in a car, we were on welfare, but I knew I wanted to be bigger than my circumstances. That’s what dreaming in Black is—believing in something greater and nurturing it until it grows.”
DJ Smoke also touched on this, emphasizing the importance of intention and fulfillment. “You don’t want to climb that ladder and realize you went real high in the wrong direction,” he warned. “A lot of people in LA are ambitious, but if you don’t understand your ‘why,’ you can get to the top and still feel empty. The goal isn’t just to make it—it’s to make it mean something.
Sometimes, as Black creatives, we only dream as far as the next gig or the next check, but dreaming in Black means going beyond that. “It means thinking bigger than what’s right in front of you,” said host Donye Taylor.
This conversation was a call to action – a reminder that preserving LA’s Black culture means investing in community, honoring our history, and building a legacy that lasts.
