9 Ways to Change Your Dating Outcomes This Year

Being Mary Jane, starring the beautiful Gabrielle Union, is back on January 10th and we’ll be tuning in for all of the juicy drama. As relationship coaches and professional matchmakers we know firsthand that Mary Jane the character represents so many of our clients, and if we’re being transparent, we see so much of ourselves and the error of our old ways in her too.

 

What are the common characteristics we see? Glad you asked……Successful. Beautiful Intelligent. Strong. Bossy and at times intimidating, often in a work environment where she is consistently proving herself. Mary Jane is always fighting to “justify” her place in the room and find the love she deserves. With multiple degrees, accreditations, long work hours, beautiful tailored clothes, designer handbags and show stopping shoes, she’s still lonely.

 

You see ladies, although all of that is awesome, for some women, there’s still nothing quite like being in love and having someone to call your own. So what advice do we have for the “Mary Janes” of the world? Lots. Here are some things you can do today to start this year off right in the love department.

Hello you’re already at the top of your game or at least working in a steady career. Your job gets you for eight hours plus, but after that it should be about you. As everyone always says, unfortunately if you died tomorrow the show would most definitely still go on. So let’s get your priorities right and focus on you and the things that make YOU happy. Today, take a look at your calendar, look online to see what you want to do, book it, schedule the time off if need be, and don’t cancel for any reason.

Retire those tailored suits and pearls after 5o.m and step out of your business fashion comfort zone. We did! And boy was it a process. We’re intentional about incorporating our personality into our wardrobes when we can. Visit some new boutiques, head to the mall or browse online with one goal in mind: Buy something you thought you’d could never wear, not because it’s raunchy but because you’re so busy trying to be practical with your purchases that you haven’t . No more “if I can’t wear it to work, I’m not buying it.” Okay?

Hey, you stayed focused all through school and climbed the corporate ladder and started your medical practice. You’re giving back to the community and many have pledged a sorority…. Surely you can do this too! No need to hyperventilate and make these changes in your life overwhelming. Add a tickler in your calendar a few months from now and throughout the year to reassess how you’re doing with changing the way you approach finding love. If you’ve lost focus, do what you need to do to regroup and get on a page you’re comfortable with.

Rusty? No worries, we got you. We have this thing down to a science. If there was a flirting award…..we’d bring home the statue! Our “first step” challenge to you is to make eye contact, smile, say hello, and start a basic conversation with 20 complete strangers a month. You’ll be amazed who you’ll meet and where it goes.

So often our “Mary Janes” are more comfortable not making it known that they really need and desire a loving, committed relationship. But it’s so important to spread the word when the opportunity arises whether you’re at work, with family, friends, or even at an event. Make it known and very clear. Stop being embarrassed about being single as if you don’t need a man.

Clearly what you’re doing isn’t working for you, but something will. You continue to choose the same man over and over who fills the void of companionship but not giving you the kind of relationship you really want. Allow your close girlfriends who know you well to help you or seek out experts who can support your journey!

So maybe you were one of the few or even the first one to go to college and make a name for yourself. Does that really mean that you have to be everyone’s savior? The Go-To when this one needs to be bailed out, this one needs a loan, this one is behind in their bills, nieces and nephews need a new pair of darn shoes, and the list goes on and on. Yes it’s ok to love everyone and you should do what you can. But the amount of “Mary Janes” we know who don’t have time for themselves because they’re trying to be everything to everyone is for the birds. Say No I can’t make it sometimes, and No I can’t sign my name on the bail this time. No is a complete sentence! You’ve worked hard to get where you are and the power of NO is freeing beyond belief. It’s OK, we promise.

Many “Mary Janes” have come to the place where they’re so focused on wanting someone who makes them look good to colleagues, family, parents, etc. but have been secretly creeping with that good everyday working man at home that they don’t want to bring out into the sunlight. You may be putting a lot of pressure on yourself and missing out on real happiness. Like we always say, work will continue on without you if it had to and your parents have already made their choices. Time to grow up and live your own life.

Lastly, stop comparing yourself to everyone else- You are spending too much time looking at your colleagues, girlfriends and social media and what appears to be the perfect relationships. The truth is, there are no perfect relationships, and they all require effort and work. The difference between them and you is they put in the work and made a commitment to be intentional about dating and their personal relationship goals. This is your year, claim it!

At the end of the day, we don’t want you to have the same status this time next year reading the same singles self-help blogs and having no one to share your success with.  We want you to be in the engagement section of Essence.com or well on your way. Tackle this challenge with a vengeance just like you did for every other area in your life and leave “Mary Jane” on TV where she belongs.

Here’s to LOVE,
The Matchmaking DUO