As certified relationship coaches and professional matchmakers, it’s often frustrating when clients come with a long list of “their type” and reasons why they haven’t found “the one” yet. We hear some reasons more than others, but these eight far too often. Here are the top reasons you could be holding yourself back from being open to new love.
01
Because He Makes Less Money Than You
What we’ve found is this conversation needs to be moved forward even more because just because he earns a particular salary doesn’t mean that he has good credit or not living from paycheck to paycheck. He might even be trying to keep up with “The Jones’” and broke as a joke behind closed doors. It’s more about disposable income than the salary on paper.
Getty Creative Images
02
Because Your Family Envisioned A Certain Type For You
Family pressure can be a beast. But if no one has told you, come closer and let us share a nugget. They’ve lived their lives and made their choices and guess what? They never asked for your opinion or approval at the time. So why the pressure? Put your big boy or big girl underwear on and start living YOUR life. They are already spooning…… Trust yourself, you’ve got this!
03
Because His Style Of Dress Isn’t The Way You Want It To Be
We’re not saying that you should date someone who just doesn’t care about his appearance at all. But there have been many occasions where a man just wasn’t aware of how he could update his look or his lifestyle just never warranted it. Be open and see how he reacts if you give him some fabulous socks for his suit or an updated pair of jeans. You just might discover you have free reign and keep in mind this is an easy fix!
Eric Raptosh Photography, Inc
04
Because He Doesn’t Have A College Degree
In our business we have screened thousands of men and some have taken the collegiate route and some have not. What we’ve learned is that intelligence and common sense don’t always come with a degree. But it’s more about knowledge and the ability to understand, comprehend, grow, and lead. We’ve met men who have Ivy League degrees and doing absolutely nothing with it living a mediocre lifestyle so it’s all relative.
05
Because His Age Falls Outside The Range You Imagined
We’ve seen so many people pass up great catches because they were a couple years older or younger than what they envisioned for themselves. For example if you come across someone who is 30 years old and more mature and established than the average 37 year old, why not give it a chance?
Peathegee Inc/Blend Images
06
Because He’s Shorter Than You
So often at the very top of the list of requirements for single women is that he must be taller than me when I wear heels. Keep in mind ladies, the average man is 5’9”. So if you’re 5’4” why exactly does he need to be 6’3” to even be considered? If he’s a great guy who’s treating you well and making you a priority he just grew 3 inches overnight!
Carey Kirkella
ulta.com
BlackGirlSunscreen Make It Pop Lip Sun Gloss SPF50
Dating outside one’s race or culture can often be really out of your comfort zone. But even at a basic level, think of all the possibilities and how much it opens up the pool of candidates. A good guy doesn’t have to have a color. You can’t attach color to credibility, integrity, morals, and values.
Portra ehf.
08
Because They Don’t Have The Same Hobbies
Yes we agree it’s nice to have some similarities with your partner, but it’s unrealistic to require him to enjoy the ballet, sightseeing in faraway lands, AND book club. There are some things that you’ll have to agree to enjoy outside of the relationship and that just makes conversations around experiences and new things you’ve learned even more interesting when you come back together. Remember he doesn’t need to be your peer, just your man!
09
Dare To Date Outside Your Comfort Zone
We don’t want you to compartmentalize yourself and miss out on a great potential match. It’s time to throw away all these ridiculous reasons not to and step outside of what’s familiar. Try something different and see what happens! Tweet us and let us know how it works out. Here’s to LOVE!
If you’ve ever been to ESSENCE Hollywood House, you know it’s more than just a series of panels—it’s a gathering of visionaries. A space where Black creatives and leaders come together to share stories, strategies, and solutions. This year’s conversation, Let’s Talk About LA: Preserving Our City, presented by AT&T, was no different.
The discussion brought together three voices, each deeply invested in shaping LA’s future: D. Smoke, the Grammy-nominated rapper and educator; Olympia Auset, founder of SÜPRMRKT, a grocery service tackling food apartheid in LA; and DJ HED, a radio personality and advocate for independent artists. Though their paths differed, their mission was the same—creating opportunities, protecting culture, and ensuring Black spaces in LA don’t just survive but thrive.
For Olympia Ausset, the work she’s doing with SÜPRMRKT goes far beyond providing fresh groceries—it’s about laying the foundation for a stronger, healthier community. “The LA we love, the cultural beacon it’s known as today, was built by people who worked hard to create their own spaces,” she shared. “The reason I do what I do is because it’s essential. We can’t achieve any of the changes I want for my community without being in good health and having access to affordable, organic food. Without places where we can gather, heal, and support each other, none of the other goals will be possible. It starts with taking care of ourselves and building those spaces together.”
From Olympia’s focus on wellness and accessibility to DJ HED’s belief in the power of self-worth, the discussion explored what it means to dream beyond individual success and invest in collective progress. “I see a lot of people who aren’t proud of where they come from, what they look like, or where they’re at in life,” he said. “I had to learn to give myself grace, to grow. I grew up in Inglewood, raised by a single mom. We lived in a car, we were on welfare, but I knew I wanted to be bigger than my circumstances. That’s what dreaming in Black is—believing in something greater and nurturing it until it grows.”
DJ Smoke also touched on this, emphasizing the importance of intention and fulfillment. “You don’t want to climb that ladder and realize you went real high in the wrong direction,” he warned. “A lot of people in LA are ambitious, but if you don’t understand your ‘why,’ you can get to the top and still feel empty. The goal isn’t just to make it—it’s to make it mean something.
Sometimes, as Black creatives, we only dream as far as the next gig or the next check, but dreaming in Black means going beyond that. “It means thinking bigger than what’s right in front of you,” said host Donye Taylor.
This conversation was a call to action – a reminder that preserving LA’s Black culture means investing in community, honoring our history, and building a legacy that lasts.
