Once you get to know each other’s bodies sex can become routine. Mix it up by slowing everything down. Bring back kissing and touching. You’ll be teasing yourself too but once you get going it will be explosive.
02
Give Him Something to Anticipate
Text your man all day telling him what he can expect later. You can also pick a future date and remind him what’s coming. Taunt your lover with a naughty note in his pocket or a detailed voicemail that would make Zane blush.
03
Don’t Mother Him
Baby, are you going to wear those pants? There is nothing sexy about being your man’s mother. He somehow managed before he met you, right? Give the Mommie Dearest act a rest and your love life will thank you.
04
Go Sex Toy Shopping Together
This summer I interviewed men about whether they would try sex toys with their women. Most gave a resounding yes! Shop in person or find a woman-friendly site like Babeland. Even if you just pick up flavored lube it will be a fun excursion.
05
Say His Name, Say His Name
We all love the sound of our own names. Using his name often and lovingly is one of the simplest ways to deepen an intimate connection.
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06
Lights Up
Nothing is sexier than confidence and your man wants to bask in yours. You’ve got good lighting, right? Turn it up and let his tongue be the only airbrushing you’re thinking about.
07
Think Outside the Box
Your sex life should be more than horizontal and in your bedroom. If there is always something you’ve been telling him no about, consider a yes.
Say you’re out to dinner with a group. When he goes to the restroom excuse yourself too. Pull him into a clean, private bathroom and pucker up.
08
Want to talk about it?
Take some time to understand your partner, and make him open up to you. You’ll grow closer and he’ll appreciate it.
09
Play Word Games
Get creative with eachother! Try to finish eachother’s sentences.
10
Have an All About Him Day
Try dedicating your entire day to your partner and discover how much he’ll be turned on by you.
If you’ve ever been to ESSENCE Hollywood House, you know it’s more than just a series of panels—it’s a gathering of visionaries. A space where Black creatives and leaders come together to share stories, strategies, and solutions. This year’s conversation, Let’s Talk About LA: Preserving Our City, presented by AT&T, was no different.
The discussion brought together three voices, each deeply invested in shaping LA’s future: D. Smoke, the Grammy-nominated rapper and educator; Olympia Auset, founder of SÜPRMRKT, a grocery service tackling food apartheid in LA; and DJ HED, a radio personality and advocate for independent artists. Though their paths differed, their mission was the same—creating opportunities, protecting culture, and ensuring Black spaces in LA don’t just survive but thrive.
For Olympia Ausset, the work she’s doing with SÜPRMRKT goes far beyond providing fresh groceries—it’s about laying the foundation for a stronger, healthier community. “The LA we love, the cultural beacon it’s known as today, was built by people who worked hard to create their own spaces,” she shared. “The reason I do what I do is because it’s essential. We can’t achieve any of the changes I want for my community without being in good health and having access to affordable, organic food. Without places where we can gather, heal, and support each other, none of the other goals will be possible. It starts with taking care of ourselves and building those spaces together.”
From Olympia’s focus on wellness and accessibility to DJ HED’s belief in the power of self-worth, the discussion explored what it means to dream beyond individual success and invest in collective progress. “I see a lot of people who aren’t proud of where they come from, what they look like, or where they’re at in life,” he said. “I had to learn to give myself grace, to grow. I grew up in Inglewood, raised by a single mom. We lived in a car, we were on welfare, but I knew I wanted to be bigger than my circumstances. That’s what dreaming in Black is—believing in something greater and nurturing it until it grows.”
DJ Smoke also touched on this, emphasizing the importance of intention and fulfillment. “You don’t want to climb that ladder and realize you went real high in the wrong direction,” he warned. “A lot of people in LA are ambitious, but if you don’t understand your ‘why,’ you can get to the top and still feel empty. The goal isn’t just to make it—it’s to make it mean something.
Sometimes, as Black creatives, we only dream as far as the next gig or the next check, but dreaming in Black means going beyond that. “It means thinking bigger than what’s right in front of you,” said host Donye Taylor.
This conversation was a call to action – a reminder that preserving LA’s Black culture means investing in community, honoring our history, and building a legacy that lasts.