I entered OKCupid.com with an agenda. I wanted to break out of my shy girl shell, to taking control of who I date, instead of always waiting for someone to choose me. I challenged myself to send messages to 10 new men in one week. I confess, I fell very short of that. It seems working in online media doesn’t allot much time for online dating. Go figure. However, I did try my luck with a few men and, contrary to the assessment that Black women have less luck on OKCupid.com, I got responses from almost all of them, including my two favorites… There was one guy that I was very excited about. I’ll call him Adrian. Like most of the other Black men on OKCupid.com, our match percentage was below ideal (69 percent). But I thought he was too cute and I loved his responses to the questions asked on his profile. We must have emailed each other at the same time, because by the time I clicked send, I had a message in my OKCupid.com inbox from him. Over a few emails, Adrian and I exchanged banter about our favorite candy commercials and expressed our fascination with Caribbean and Latin American culture, history and politics. When I sent my final email to him, I was sure he’d extend an invite for coffee or something soon. Sadly, he hasn’t responded to me in a week. I think I’m experiencing the online dating equivalent to the silent phone. You know, when you give a guy your phone number and wait patiently for his call before the silent phone kills your hopes of summer picnics and winter vacations with Mr. Wonderful. Maybe he’s busy. It has only been a week after all. Or maybe he met someone else. C’est la vie! Before chatting up Adrian, I sent a message to another man who we’ll call Robert. I got an alert in my inbox that Robert had added me to his list of favorites. After checking out his profile, I added him to mine and made sure to click on the link that allows OKCupid.com to notify him that I had done so. When I didn’t receive a message from him, I decided to be more aggressive. I found that approaching a man online is a lot like going up to a guy in a bar (except at least online, the guy’s profile gives you something to work with). It literally took me an hour to write six sentences. I would think of something clever to say and quickly erase it. Eventually I settled on just telling him a little about myself and wishing him a good day. A few days went by with no response from Robert. I was ready to add him to my reject pile. After nearly two weeks, I got a reply. He was on a road/camping trip and had just plugged in on one of his stops. Camping in the woods, bike rides through the mountains, sleeping on the beach. He seems dreamy. In his last message, he was headed back to NYC. I’m hoping to hear about his adventure in person. Getting comfortable with approaching men online gave me the confidence to take my macking skills into the real world. Last weekend I visited one of my favorite stores to make a move on an employee there that I had been eyeing for months. By the time I left, I had his phone number and a big grin on my face. Spring is looking up.
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