There’s nothing wrong with a little dirty talk, especially if it’s in the privacy of your bedroom with your partner.
But how do you start the practice without feeling awkward or guilty for outwardly sharing your sexuality? First, openly communicate with your partner about your desires and why you’d like to begin the practice. If they are on board, then begin to ease into it. Our resident sexpert Nikquan Lewis agrees with this approach, “The first step is so important. Before getting started, I encourage partners to take time to discuss their sexual boundaries, wants, and desires. Knowing what excites each other and the limits sets a comfortable and healthy foundation,” she suggests.
Below are Lewis’ tips for becoming more comfortable with dirty talk and its benefits and prompts to get you started.
Tips to Get Comfortable with Dirty Talk:
Start Slow. Ease into dirty talk with small, sensual compliments. Tell your partner how much you love certain things they do. This will help you get comfortable without diving too deep or too fast.
Practice: Like anything else, practice makes perfect. Try talking dirty to yourself when you’re alone. This helps you get used to the sound of your voice and figure out what feels natural to you, as well as helps you manage some of the embarrassment that comes when this is new. It’s okay, and I ensure that it’s a common experience. This emotion is not your cue to stop; keep going if you’d like to see if this is for you or not truly.
Use Your Senses: Practice mindfulness and focus on describing what you see, feel, taste, hear, and smell. This makes your dirty talk more vivid and engaging.
Read or Watch for Inspiration: Erotic books/literature and sexy movies can give you ideas and help you find the language that turns you on. Reading or watching with a partner is a great way to get your sex drive going and start practicing.
Stay Authentic: Use words and phrases that feel natural to you. Don’t force yourself to say things that make you uncomfortable. The more authentic you are, the more confident you’ll feel and the more believable you are. Dirty talk done right paints a sexy picture.
Positive Reinforcement: When your partner responds well to your dirty talk, take note. This could be positive affirmations, moans, or physical touch. If you’re practicing mindfulness, then you will recognize pleasure. Positive reactions can boost your confidence and encourage you to continue.
Here are seven tips from Dr. Jacqueline Sherman:
Figure Out Your Turn-ons: Knowing what brings your body pleasure is the biggest dirty talk flex! Spend some time sensually exploring your body, and reflect on past sexual encounters. This will help you gain clarity on what turns you on, and it will become much easier to communicate your preferences to a partner.
Practice Sex Talk: Talking about sex helps you have better sex! Getting comfortable talking about sex is an important first step to dirty talk. You can build this skill by engaging in intentional conversations about sex with your partner(s), or by having open conversations about sex with trusted friends.
Survey Your Partner: Get curious by asking your partner what kind of language they enjoy hearing in the bedroom. If done well, this conversation can lead to you learning a lot about your partner’s dirty talk preferences and vice-versa. Be sure to create a safe, judgment-free zone during this exercise.
Don’t try to sound like a porn-star: Be yourself, and find your voice! Use language that comes natural to you. Since dirty talk can be intimidating, it is beneficial to make your words sound as natural as possible so you can be present, confident, and enjoy the moment!
Let go of perfectionism: One reason people shy away from dirty talk is because they are unwilling to allow themselves to feel awkward. Dirty talk is not perfect, it’s messy! The more vulnerability and grace you give yourself, the more confidence you will exude when it comes to sexual verbal expression.
Directions are golden: Giving sex directions can be a fun and exciting way to implement dirty talk! Get specific about what turns you on, and tell your partner exactly what kind of pleasure you want to create. This will lead to greater sexual satisfaction.
Practice solo at first: To build sex-confidence, you can try practicing dirty talk when your partner is not around. This will allow you to connect to your body and explore your desires freely, without the pressure of wanting to perform for a partner.
Benefits of Dirty Talk:
Enhanced Intimacy: Dirty talk can help partners enhance intimacy and connection. Sharing your deepest desires and fantasies can strengthen your relationship.
Increased Arousal: Hearing your partner express their desires can increase arousal and sex drive. It adds an extra layer of excitement to your sexual encounters.
Better Communication: Engaging in dirty talk can improve overall communication in your relationship. It encourages vulnerability, openness, and honesty about your wants and needs.
Boosted Confidence: Effectively talking dirty can boost your self-esteem and make you feel more confident in your sexual abilities.
More Fun and Playfulness: Dirty talk can bring a playful, fun element to your sex life. It’s a way to experiment and explore new dimensions of pleasure together. Have fun!
Dirty Talk Prompts to Use Following Discussing Sexual Boundaries:
- “I love the way you feel inside of me/ I love the way I feel inside of you.”
- “I want you to (specific action) harder, softer, faster, slower (choose based on personal enjoyment).”
- “I want to taste you/ I can’t wait for you to taste me/ You taste so damn good.”
- “I want you to beg for it/ Beg me for what you want.”
- “I love it when you [specific action]; it feels amazing.”
- “I’ve been thinking about your (favorite body part/sexual act) all day, I can’t wait to show you how much.”
- “Tell me exactly what you want me to do to you.”
- Moan and/or use obscenities (curse words, etc) softly in your partner’s ear in reaction to pleasure.
By utilizing these tips and prompts, you can transform your bedroom communication, enhance sexual exploration, and deepen your intimacy. Dirty talk can be an exciting and powerful way to connect with your partner on a new level, making your relationship even more pleasurable fulfilling, and empowering partners to design the sex lives they desire.