We want to feel something in the bedroom, am I right, ladies? Some women are craving for more passionate sex but have a hard time naming it. “Typically, when people talk about intense sex, they mean passionate sex,” Dr. Candice Hargons says. Intense sex with that definition includes an experience of sex being erotically energetic, magnetic, and with full arousal and desire.
When engaging in intense sex, Hargons says partners usually tend to feel drawn to each other, unable to keep their hands off one another, which can make both people feel desirable. “For many people, intense sex comes easier after they haven’t had sex in a while or with a new partner because this allows desire to build up. For people who have been in relationships for a while or who may otherwise want sex to be more intense, you have to create sexual currency (a concept popularized by Karen Gurney),” she says.
Sexual currency could mean dialing up the flirting, sexts, deep French kissing, and suggestive looks you and your partner share. Hargons believes these actions stir up the sexual energy between you and your partner, But the key is to do these things without the intent or ability to immediately have sex so that they aren’t a signal that sex must happen right now. That can create pressure that may block the intensity.
So, how is Intense Sex characterized? According to Dr. Nikki Coleman, it includes the following:
- Being fully present in the moment is wholly embodied in that all of your senses are engaged and contribute to your sense of arousal.
- Experiencing peak arousal states
- Highly pleasurable
- Emotionally intimate and connected
- Fully attuned to your partner’s pleasure and arousal
- Reciprocal experiences of intimacy, connection, and attunement with your partner(s)
- It’s not rushed or on a time-limit
- It’s highly orgasmic, even multiply orgasmic
Coleman believes that there are some essential things to focus on and practice for yourself and your partner to experience this kind of intense sexual experience. “The first and most important is to throw the script out of the window. Suppose you want to experience this type of transcendent sexual experience. In that case, you cannot go into it with expectations of what will happen regarding certain behaviors or routines. To be fully present in the moment is to be open to explore and play with your partner. The other important thing that can contribute to having the fully embodied and present experience you desire is to have explicit and enthusiastic consent with your partner before the sexual play begins,” she says.
Another critical aspect of achieving intense sex is communication. According to Coleman, dirty talk is a part of the experience that allows you to check in with and stay attuned to your partner throughout the experience. “Ask if the tempo, frequency, location, or intensity of what you’re doing to your partner feels good, and listen to their verbal and bodily responses to guide you. And vice versa, asking for what you want and how you want it, or even encouraging your partner to keep doing what they’re doing, will all contribute to keeping you fully present, embodied, and attuned to the moment,” Coleman states.
Here are some tips to have more intense sex from Shamyra Howard:
Be Present in the Moment
Intense sex isn’t just about technique. It’s about tuning in completely. That means silencing distractions, shutting off autopilot, and focusing on the sensations, emotions, and energy exchange between you and your partner. Eye contact, deep breathing, and slowing down can heighten everything.
Use Your Mouth
Nothing kills intensity like hesitation. If you want more profound pleasure, rougher play, slower teasing, or something new, say it. Not just in the bedroom but outside of it, too. Confidence and clarity in desire create chemistry that lingers long before clothes come off.
Mix Emotional and Physical Vulnerability
Intense sex happens when both people feel safe enough to let go. That means being open. Not just physically but emotionally. Say what turns you on. Admit what you crave. Ask what makes your partner feel the most desired. The more you let each other in, the hotter it gets. Most importantly, understand that vulnerability is fragile and protect it. Don’t use each other’s vulnerabilities against one another.
Play with Power and Surrender
Intensity thrives in dynamics. Whether it is playful dominance and submission, teasing control, or who leads and who follows, try shifting power subtly: guiding hands, whispering commands, or letting your partner take the reins. Intensity isn’t just about going harder; it is about giving in entirely. Don’t forget your safe word!
Deepen the Foreplay Way Before the Bedroom
Intensity doesn’t start when bodies touch; it begins with anticipation: a lingering glance, a suggestive message, or an unexpected touch in public. Good foreplay lasts all day. The more you build tension, the more explosive the release.
Engage All Five Senses
The most intense sexual experiences aren’t just about touch; they awaken everything. Try teasing with scents, like a specific fragrance that turns you on. Use music to set a mood. Taste, sound, and lighting can transform an experience from good to unforgettable. Set the mood. Add props and toys, and use your entire body.
Let Go of the Finish Line
Intensity doesn’t mean rushing to orgasm. It is about the journey, not just the destination. Explore different rhythms, stay in the moment, and let pleasure unfold naturally. The best sex is not about getting there; it’s about getting lost in it. Explore each other’s body with clothes on first, then take turns taking each other’s clothes off and touching each other for pleasure. Warm each other up.
