I never believe anyone who says, “I don’t have a jealous bone in my body.” Everyone has experienced some form of jealousy in life, whether it is amongst siblings, friends or even successful people we don’t know. Experiencing jealousy, however, does not make you a jealous person. I also believe a little jealousy in a relationship can be healthy, but don’t take it too far now.
My sister-friend has been dating a guy for two months and it has been going great. So much so, she was pretty sure she was ready to take it to the next level with him. Two weeks ago, we were having lunch and she was constantly wondering what he was doing while he was out of town. If he took too long to return a text, she’d repeatedly check her messages and then ultimately send new text messages until he responded.
Four days ago, the guy suggested that they take a break after he caught her going through his phone following a night out where she’d questioned him about every woman to whom he spoke. I have never understood that type of extreme behavior, and quite honestly, for me it’s a deal breaker. I don’t expect anyone I’m dating or in a relationship with to go through my phone, e-mails, mail or anything else that belongs to me. I guess this guy felt the same.
Infidelity in my sister-friend’s past relationships was one part of the reason she was acting this way. The larger issue was that her insecurities were running rampant and because she really liked this guy she was afraid of losing him. Ironically, her own jealous actions lost him faster than another woman ever could. And, they weren’t committed so he was allowed to see other people. Even if they were, there is no way to stop a grown person from doing what they want to do. Clearly, she’d gone too far.
Now, within the confines of a committed relationship a little jealousy can be fun. I never want to be with someone who doesn’t care anything about what I do, who I see or where I go. But, if it gets to a point where you’re going through my things, following me or trying to monitor my every move it’s no longer fun or healthy.
I encouraged my sister-friend to lighten up a bit and get more secure and confident. At such an early stage, she should be focused on getting to know him better and building a trust that she could rely on that would not require her constant jealous worry.
We all know jealousy is one of those unavoidable evils in the human spirit. We try our best not to let the green-eyed monster rear its ugly head, but we’re human. So ladies, it would be unrealistic, unnatural (and dishonest) to say that you’re never jealous, but just don’t let it start pushing him away.
Wishing you LOVE & CEASLESS JOY!
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Nathan’s book INSPIRATION: Profiles of Black Women Changing Our World is available now.