Plus Size Model in the City: Give Your Love, Not Your Life

I was in college when I read the book and saw the movie “Waiting to Exhale.” I loved it! It was not a male bashing book, it was a great story about women — four women and their trials and tribulations with men. PAUSE ~ Look, I hate to be the one to break this to you, but relationships have ups and downs and in many relationships men mess up! Women do too — so don’t get excited. My point is because someone writes or makes a movie about failed relationships and highlights the trifling things men do, does not mean that they are bashing men. It means they are telling one side of an all too true story. PLAY ~ As a college student, I had a lot of drama with my boyfriend. I was young and obviously naive enough to think that my “don’t miss a party, living in New York” boyfriend was going to be faithful to my “I don’t believe in cheating” ass. PAUSE ~ That was until I couldn’t take it anymore and started a relationship with someone else at school instead of breaking up with my then boyfriend.  It took years, but I did cheat… On him! I still don’t believe in cheating, but that is another blog entry! PLAY ~ Ironically, although I was not even 21, I could identify with so many of the characters in that movie. As I get older, some lines hit me harder today than they did then, but they made an impact from the first time I heard them…

Bernadine (Angela Bassett’s character) divorced after 11 years says: “You know what’s funny. I always thought if I gave him what he needed he’d give me what I need. It’s amazing what can happen when you give a man control over your life.”

DAMN! That goes straight to my heart. Guilty! I have been guilty of this thought process and sometimes it resurfaces. I’m sure it goes back to my “daddy issues.” Abandonment issues are hard to shake.

Honestly, it seems logical, right? I give you what you need and you return the favor. But let’s think about this. as women, we become so focused on satisfying him that we forget ourselves. I think we believe that a satisfied man never leaves. If he has everything he needs from me, he won’t go looking for it elsewhere.

And now you’ve become a magician trying to perform all reasonable and unreasonable requests. You’ve put your routines on hold to make sure he has what he needs. You love taking care of him, but who the hell is taking care of you? And you love taking care of him because he seems so happy when you do it, until he’s not. Because the truth is you’ve done too much and what you call “love” he calls “not having a life” and “suffocation.” He was attracted to you and the life you had when he pursued you. 

Truth is, you’re not really giving him everything he needs. You don’t have that power. You are doing what you need to fool yourself into a false sense of security and certainty. Listen to me, nothing you do will make a man stay if he wants to leave. Be you! Do you! Live your life for you. And when you have enough love inside to share, you can give some of your love to him.

LIVE your life, GIVE your love.

Thanks for the reminder 😉

XO~

PSM

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