Today I’m running around Manhattan and couldn’t help but notice how eager people are to get their summer on. Despite the fact that it’s only April, I’ve noticed some women are dressed bananas. Before the temperature rises any further, I wanted to share some fashion advice to the ladies from a man’s perspective. Everything that I say is what most men think, so don’t hate, just relate:
Feet: Men fall into two camps – those who love/fetish over women’s feet and those who loathe feet. The foot game breaks down into two parts–the front and back. Men don’t necessarily need the whole French pedicure routine, but keep the toes tight. If your feet look like they could be in an ad for a podiatrist, keep your feet hidden. Regarding the back, if your heel looks like Italian bread or a loaf of French bread, you got a problem. Cocoa butter, aloe vera, mineral oil, there are way too many options out there for you to have an ashy heel. Stop the madness. Or wear shoes that cover your feet.
Flip Flops: They’re not sexy, fly, cute, or cool. Please stop. We don’t want to hear you flip-flopping down the block. Plus having your bare foot SO exposed to the natural elements is super gross. I would never let you put your nasty feet on my 500-thread count Egyptian cotton sheets. You’d have to shower and scrub first. Word.
Jewelery: It gets hot during the summer time. Having all this gold, silver, and platinum hanging off your ears or on all eight of your fingers plus two opposable thumbs just ain’t cute. You’re reflect light back out as well as conducting heat, which means you’re blinding us and making yourself hotter. Not smart.
Mid-Riff: Anything that exposes your navel or the tattoo on the small of your back is not a good look. Men immediately put you in the ‘hit it and quit it’ category.
Sneakers: If men wanted to date someone who wore some AF1’s or Dunks, we would date ourselves. And clearly we don’t want to do that. So keep the Jordans at home.
Makeup: All that makeup that some of you use to cover up and hide things doesn’t work so well when the sun is beating down on you and the humidity level is thicker than porridge. Basically your face melts away as well as any hopes of any man kicking it to you.
Hair: Four words–Keep It Simple Sista!
Handbags: Men understand that women have a bag obsession, but carrying around a 29″ pullman with you is just impractical and downright silly. If your bag can’t fit underneath an airplane seat, it’s just too big and you need to leave the bathroom you took from home back at home.
Toiletries: Okay, this may be just a New York subway thing, but just in case. Ladies, please rub and marinate the baby powder into your skin. I can predict the weather by the amount of baby powder I see dusted on the chest of some girls. They look like Ashy Larry’s wife. Marinate it please.
Perfume: If we can taste you perfume when you walk by, you sprayed too much. Stop the madness. And this ladies, this just about covers it. It’s pretty simple. Men don’t ask for much, just a level of consistency and consideration when you get dressed because that’s what’s summer is all about–ladies getting fly and losing their minds over them. If you choose not to follow these simple guidelines, you might just lose out on an opportunity.
For more from “A Man of Leisure” by Rubin Keyser Carasco, click here. Related stories:
