Too Tired for Love

I have three children, work full-time, and attend college part-time. I’m exhausted, and most days I have no sex drive. I miss the great love life my husband and I once had. How can we get it back?

It’s no wonder that you have no energy or sexual desire. After a long day of taking care of children, a home, a job and schoolwork, sex can seem like just one more thing you have to do for someone else.

But intimacy—both emotional and physical—is essential for a healthy marriage. When you have sex, you and your husband produce several chemicals. One, oxytocin, is thought to increase bonding and attachment in couples. Satisfying sex also has other benefits, like relieving stress and improving sleep. Therefore you must make lovemaking a priority and carve out time in your week for it.

Schedule sexual “dates” with your husband as you did early on in your romance. As you plan your lovemaking session, the anticipation will increase sexual tension and give a boost to your libido. Designate a date and time every week for sex, and try your best to stick to it. Let a babysitter or relative take care of the children so you and your husband can spend that time together without interruptions.

Great sex requires energy, so have sex in the morning before you start your day. Or ask your husband to take care of the children and evening chores while you relax or nap to generate the necessary energy for a night of lovemaking.

To keep sex fresh and desirable, add toys, erotica and fantasy. Change the location of your sex play. Checking into a hotel for a night may add the extra spark you need.